The Yuki I Love
by Ildreen Love
Summary: Shuichi loves Yuki, and he knows Yuki loves him too. Then it happened. The accident that changed his lover.How can he be with the writer, when Yuki is not himself anymore? FINISHED
1. Default Chapter

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The Yuki I Love

Disclaimer: I don't own this characters. Maki Murakami does.

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Prologue: Shuichi's morning

-Shuichi's POV-

The day started as any other day. I woke up at 8:30, late as usual for work. I didn't worry; it's so common for me to do this my band doesn't arrive early anymore. I turned around and saw my lover's face. So cute and calm, not like everyone sees it, I mean many people saw those cute and intense eyes and got scared. I've never understood why.

Anyway, I got up careful not to wake Yuki up and got dressed. I heard him mumble something in his sleep and smiled. He… What? Oh, yeah, Yuki is a guy. I thought everyone would know that by now, and since everyone I know knows already about Yuki and me I forget sometimes that there are people who doesn't know. But you understand right? I know is strange for two guys like us, but like my best friend told me once, "you can't help who you fall in love with".

I went to the kitchen and prepared my breakfast and Yuki's coffee. I wish I could make something delicious for him, but cooking it's not my strong point, it's Yuki's, so I only prepare his coffee. I know it's not a lot, but I think it's a nice detail and I know he likes it, even if he doesn't say it.

I didn't want to wake him up, since he worked until three or four in the morning, but I always say goodbye to him, so I gave him a small nibble in his ear and run to the door. I heard the usual "you jerk!" and gave him a smile as I closed the door. He says he hates when I do that, 'cause they are so ticklish, but I can't help it, it's so cute! I opened the door again, and told him to wait for me to have dinner. I closed the door again and heard the pillow hitting it and falling to the floor. I can imagine most people is wondering why a boy like me is with someone as cold as Yuki. I have to say he's not cold, well, he's a little sometimes, but that's 'cause he had a rough time when he was younger. So I don't care how many times he calls me jerk or stupid boy, I know he doesn't mean it.

I left the apartment and went to work. I had no idea it would be the last time I would go through that routine in a long time.

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**A/N**: Yay, another fanfic! This really make me happy, specially 'cause I already have some other chapters, so hopefully I'll update really soon. No promises tough, 'cause school is driving me crazy (as well as my classmates...) and it's all a mess. However I hope someone will review and that make me want to update sooner ja, just kidding! I'll try to update next week.

Oh, and before I forget, anyone wants t be my beta reader? My brother has refused to help me anymore, until I stop bugging him. And since that's not gonna happen anytime soon I could use someone else's help.

**Ja ne!**


	2. The Accident

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Disclaimer: I don't own this characters. Maki Murakami does.

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Chapter Two: The Accident.

Yuki tried to get back to sleep after Shuichi left, but realized it would be impossible. So he went to the kitchen to have a cup of coffee and finish his work. He sighed as he tried to erase the smile he had in his lips. He couldn't honestly say he hated to wake up this way. And also he knew he had to finish his work for today, so Shu waking him up wasn't bad at all.

The smile he had been trying to erase appeared again as he saw his coffee ready and waiting for him. He would never tell anyone, but he expected to see the cup every morning after his lover left. He didn't took it for granted, but he knew it was Shu's morning way to say 'I love you', and he appreciated it a lot.

He went to his study, still in his pajamas and passed by Shuichi's room. Well, his former room, since he slept with him every night now. The room was used now as a storage room and a practice room for the boy. Yuki smiled at the sight of it, only used once or twice a week. At first they slept together only occasionally, but they both felt so calm sleeping with each other that after a while neither could sleep unless the other was beside him. Even when they had a fight and they went to different rooms each, one would go for the other in the middle of the night (usually Shu), and they would make up. It was the way it worked, and Yuki wouldn't trade it for anything.

As he sat in front of his laptop and as he drank his coffee he heard the phone ring. It was probably his editor, reminding him they were supposed to meet at five that day. So he let the answering machine answer. He heard his lover's voice inform whoever was calling that no one could answer the phone, and smiled again. Lately he seemed to do that more often, especially when the pink haired boy was involved. Of course, he tried to keep the appearance of a cold person, but while being alone he could let himself relax and smile.

Just as he thought it was his editor, annoying him again. Still hearing Shu's voice in the machine made it worth it…

Yuki turned on the laptop. He was surprised of how much he had changed since he had met Shuichi. Also he was surprised to have such strong feelings for him. How or when he began to love him that much, he couldn't say. But the bottom line was that he loved him more that he thought it was possible to love. That was why this book was dedicated to him, and for once, this story had a happy ending. Not that that make it sappy of course. He was sure it was his best novel. All that was left was the last part of the final chapter, the re encounter of the lovers. He already had it in his mind, the perfect words to finish it.

He stood there all morning finishing it. Then he took a shower and got dressed. It seemed a perfect and normal morning. As he was printing the novel, however something happened. The last page was impressed, but the computer just went dead. Yuki damned the laptop and tried to see what the problem was, but after a while he gave up. He'll just had to take it to fix before meeting his editor.

He picked up the novel and his laptop and left the apartment. As he entered his car he received a call to his cell phone. Tohma's voice greeted him and reminded him that they were having lunch together the next day. Yuki grumped, but since Shu was also invited he didn't complain. Not a lot at least. He had planned to stay in bed all day, with Shu if possible. But apparently that wouldn't happen.

He hanged up and drove towards the center; hopefully his laptop wouldn't be seriously damaged. Giving it a second thought, Yuki wasn't really sure it was a bad idea, he would have an excuse to escape from work and if he could convince Tohma to give the band a break…

He frowned at his last thought. He was definitely getting softer, if Shu could read his mind he would be thrilled, and probably wouldn't leave him alone in days, no, weeks. He would never let him know he was thinking that, although he suspected the boy already knew he wasn't the cold bastard he pretended to be anymore.

As he drove and passed by the city he decided that weekend would be just the two of them, maybe they could go out somewhere, like the beach or something… That was it! When he returned he would call and make reservations to a hotel in the beach! He just needed an excuse for it…

He never saw the truck coming. All he noticed was the strong force that made his car flip and crash against the cold concrete.

He heard screams, felt the pain on his body and the blood on his head. The last thing he saw were the pages of his novel, flying with the wind and thought what a good scene for a drama movie it would make.

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Shuichi had just asked for a break when Tohma appeared in the studio. Sakano immediately tried to make them work again, but he stopped when his boss talked.

"Shindou-san…"

Shuichi was already shaking his head. The second he looked into the blond man eyes he knew. Something had happened to Yuki, something bad…

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**A/N:** sigh I'm such a liar. I said I'll update till next week, but temptation won and here I am, updating. Guess it's a good thing tough...   
Anyway, I want to thank the following readers, for kindly leaving their opinions.  
  
**darksaphire**: THANKS!!  
  
**Suki**: Wish granted!  
  
**clari chan**: Thank you so much! I'm happy you want to be my beta reader! I'm flattered! From now on, Yuki will be a bit OCC, but I think you'll understand why.  
  
**Kitty in the Box:** Thanks! Sorry I'll updated so soon! Jejeje, I don't think you'll complain a lot tough...  
  
**colorFULsu**: Thanks!  
  
**kiddo**: ... you can guess? Yes, that's it, thanks!  
  
**puffin**: Another wish granted! I feel like a godmother fairy! And from now on, larger chapters!!  
  
**Ashura Akuma**: Same answer, next chapter will be longer! Thank's for reviewing!  
  
**animlvr**: I'll update soon... I hope... And a beta reader reads what you write and helps you with grammar and stuff.

Well, that's it from the moment. Nine reviews was more than I expected. Hopefully there will be more 

**Ja ne!**


	3. No feelings from the past

Disclaimer: Yuki isn't mine, Shuichi isn't mine, Tohma isn't mine... you get the point, right?

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to **clari-chan**, my new beta-reader, and to **Megamie**, who offered to help me, Thanks!

Author's brain: ...maybe I should ask Megamie to beta read my CCS fanfics... and clari-chan my Gravitation ones... and then when I start writing that Ruroni Kenshin fanfic I'll ask someone else to beta-read that and... ¬¬

Ajem, let's start ok? Read and review! Better yet, read and ENJOY!!

Chapter Three: No feelings from the past

Shuichi had never run so fast in his entire life. He went straight to the floor Tohma had told him Yuki was in and left the others behind in the car. The words Tohma had said were repeating themselves in his head over and over again…

-flashback-

"Shindou-san…"

Shuichi shook his head, it couldn't be, it wasn't possible… _it isn't happening_…

"Shindou-san listen, Eiri he-" Tohma was abruptly stopped by Shuichi, who grabbed his arms and started shaking him.

"No!!" He screamed at his boss, "he is fine, he must be fine!!" Hiro tried to hold him back, but he didn't stop.

"Where is he?" When the man in front of him didn't answer he took a step back.

He's fine, he can't be… no, he can't be…

Reading the look on his face, Tohma quickly understood and put a hand on his shoulder.

"He'll be fine, he's in the hospital now, I'll take you there". Shu looked up, already in the verge of tears. When the boy nodded, the president of the company arranged everything and left with him and Nakano towards the hospital.

-end flashback-

Shuichi arrived at the floor he was looking for and went to the nurse central. A young woman looked at him and asked, "May I help you?"

Shuichi was panting; he had climbed the stairs of the six floors because the elevator was too slow. Trying to catch his breath he said "Eiri… Yu- Yuki…" The nurse looked at the records, and answered "We don't have any patient under that name sir". Shuichi felt paralyzed for a second, why wasn't he there? What if he has taken somewhere else? What if… what if it was too late??

Just in that moment he heard a feminine voice behind him say, "You should try Uesugi Eiri, Shuichi" He whirled around and saw Mika, Yuki's sister behind him. He started crying of relief, he was so stupid, of course he wouldn't be under his pen name! That would attract fans and the media, and Yuki would hate that!

The nurse said "Uesugi? He's still in surgery. Are you his relatives?" Mika nodded and asked when she could see her brother. The nurse told her a doctor would came talk to them soon. Meanwhile Tohma and the others arrived. Mika hugged her husband, both feeling the need for support. Hiro took a seat next to where Shu was and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. The boy rested his head against him, he looked so pale, like he was the one who needed a doctor.

"Hey, Shuichi, wanna eat something? Maybe we can go to the cafeteria or something" Shuichi shook his head, he didn't want to leave, so Hiro asked again "Sure? You must be hungry, you were about to eat when-" Hiro stopped at those words. He knew his best friend. He didn't want to think about it. He stood up and told everyone "I'll bring drinks to everyone" He looked again at the boy and walked away. He hated to see him like this, consumed with the fear of loosing his lover.

Hiro cursed as he entered the elevator. Why it had to happen now, when everything was going so well? The band was more popular within every minute and they had several concerts scheduled for the next three months. Shuichi had been so happy, especially when he managed to convince the blonde writer to go with them to one of his concerts outside Tokyo. It was an all-winning situation, Sakano had even been more relaxed, and Suguru looked like he was for once enjoying the rehearsals. And now this.

Shuichi heard Tohma and Mika discussing something. He didn't pay attention though. In his head all his thoughts were directed to his lover. He tried to convince himself that everything would be fine, that the doctor would come back and say "He'll be fine, he was lucky there wasn't much damage, you can go see him now". He silently begged God to hear those words. He didn't want anything else. Never before had he wanted anything so desperately, he would give anything to hear Yuki will be fine...

In that moment a doctor came out and asked something to the nurse. When she pointed at them, Shuichi jumped from his seat and waited. For the three of them the world seemed to stop and then go in slow motion, matching the doctor's pace. They tried to read in his expression the result of the surgery, the answer to a silent question they all knewcould change their lives for better or for worse.

At the sight of the anxiety of the three people before him, the doctor smiled. "He'll be fine".

The effect of those small words was visible immediately. Mika held Tohma's hand and smiled out of relief. Her husband looked like the world's weight was taken off of his shoulders. Shuichi started crying silently, and as he heard the next words he felt like he was the luckiest person in the world, his desire had been granted: "he was lucky there wasn't much damage, you can go see him now".

Tohma agreed, not so easily, to call Tatsuha and tell him the good news. Hiro, who had arrived shortly after the doctor came out, called Sakano and the others. As for Mika and Shuichi, they went to see Yuki. As they walked to the room the blond was in, she took Shuichi's hand. The boy looked at her surprised, and she smiled at him. "We are family now, aren't we Shuichi?" He nodded and smiled, then squeezed her hand slightly. They entered the room and looked at the man both a little shocked.

Yuki was lying on a bed, tubes and machines surrounding him. The doctor had told them he had an arm broken as well as two left ribs, a black eye and several bruises and cuts. A fragment of steel had pierced his left shoulder and caused some damaged to the muscle, but in general he had been extremely lucky. He would be able to leave the hospital in a couple of weeks or so. Considering the state of other victims of the accident he was perfectly fine.

Mika let go of Shu's hand and took her brother's. He looked so peaceful, despite the bruises and cuts, he looked as handsome as always. She let her breathe out slowly and then said to Shu "I'll be back in a second". He understood. He had been able to release the tension he had felt the second the doctor assured him Yuki was fine. Mika needed some time. He took a seat and grabbed Yuki's hand. For a while he only stared at him.

After what seemed to be hours, he realized Mika was taking too long, maybe he should go look for her? But he couldn't leave his side. It was already late afternoon though. How did time pass by so fast? The boy looked at the door again, and sighed, she would be fine, but on the other hand the writer... "Yuki... You are so mean! You make me worry so much!" he smiled at his own foolishness and kissed his forehead. "Yuki..."

As he had heard the boy call him, the man opened his eyes. He looked at the boy strangely and to his surroundings. It looked like it was already night. What the hell had happened to him??

Shuichi however didn't notice the confusion in his face. All he knew was that Yuki was awake. And that made him happy. "Yuki-" He stopped when he finally noticed the man's puzzled look. He was about to explain everything he knew when he heard the words that would make him wonder if the nightmare had not finished yet, but begun.

"Yuki? I think you are confusing me with someone else, my name is Eiri. And who are you? I don't think I've met you before".

"What? Yu- Yuki that's not funny! I- I'm Shuichi! Of course you know me! I- I'm your... I'm-" Shuichi couldn't finish the phrase, and Yuki's next words didn't help him either. "So I know you? Are you a friend or something? Then why are you calling me by that name instead of my own?"

Shu looked at him. He wasn't teasing him; he didn't recognize him. He felt his heart falling apart, again, for the second time in one day. He didn't know how to answer. And then Yuki smiled at him and said "Well, if we are friends you must call me by my first name! That's what friends do right? Hey, have you seen my sister? Maybe she could tell me what's going on..."

There's something wrong. He never speaks this much. He never smiles so easily. He had never asked me to call him by his first name...

Shuichi ran out of the room, leaving a very confused Yuki behind.


	4. Plans

  
**Disclaimer: Although I took all my life savings and stole all my brother's money, I wouldn't be able to buy Gravitation's rights. Therefore I don't own any of the characters in here, just the plot.  
  
**AN: Hello! This one is dedicated to all my readers, specially to **clari-chan**, who is helping me with my terrible gramar. I promise I'll get better! And also to **puffin**, who got the idea perfectly. Next chapter is a nightmare, 'cause writing a Yuki that is a he would've been if he hadn't killed is really difficult... Anyway, read and ... Enjoy!

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Chapter Four: Plans  
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Shuichi tried to sleep, but sleeping in the unknown couch didn't give him much comfort. The bed wasn't the only thing that he missed; he missed the warmth of his lover's body. His arms wrapped around him, that was what he missed the most. He missed Yuki.

Shuichi had listened carefully to the doctor's explanations and to everyone else. He understood that amnesia was a normal reaction after an accident like that. Shuichi knew that he was lucky that he hadn't lost Yuki. He just didn't know what to do, how to react, and the feeling that there was something really wrong happening didn't help either.

He sighed and turned for what seemed to be like the tenth million time, and closed his eyes. Shuichi had been confused he hadn't know what to do or what say to Yuki. Shuichi just left and now he regretted it. Mika and Tohma had immediately taken all the responsibility into their hands. Finally, Hiro had managed to convince him to leave and to return in the morning, when his head and his thoughts returned to order. But the second they arrived to Yuki's place Shuichi realized he couldn't bring himself to enter. Shuichi didn't want to be alone in that huge apartment, so Hiro took him to his house. The only thing was that he had to sleep on the couch…alone… without Yuki.

He gave up thinking about how lonely he was and concentrated on what he would do the next day. Tohma told him that Yuki would need clothes and offered to go get them himself, but somehow Shu didn't think that would be a good idea. So he decided to go to the apartment in the morning to get clean clothes for Yuki and for himself, of course. Shuichi also wanted to take Yuki's computer to fix. Everyone had been so busy dealing with the reporters and hospital paperwork that the laptop had been left into oblivion. A nurse had given it to Shu with other stuff, like his cell phone, which was miraculously intact.

Shu began to think what he would say to the blond man when he saw him and sighed. Yuki didn't remember him at all! All the time that they had been together, all the love and the discussions, all the tears and the laughs, all of it lost in a second! 'Material for a novel,' Yuki would say. Shu smiled a little at the thought of it. Maybe he could write a song about it…

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"Hey, Shu!" Hiro said, patently to the boy behind him, "If we are going to go see him you have to let go!" They had been at the parking lot for the last twenty minutes and people were already starting to look at them. Shuichi refused to let him go so neither could move nor climb down the motorcycle.

Hiro was getting tired, not to mention embarrassed, and really tempted to kick Shuichi out of the vehicle. He understood it was difficult, but after waiting hours outside Yuki's apartment, and thirty minutes until Shu finally let the computer go to a really upset guy to fix, he was definitely out of patience. Hiro sighed and spoke again, last card he had before he really began to consider getting away, with or without his friend.

"I can call Seguchi-san and ask him to come down for Yuki-san's clothes, I'm sure he'll be more than happy to do it. Then we'll leave". At the mention of this Shu climbed down the motorcycle and before Hiro could blink he called to him from the entrance "Hiro let's go! We are already late!"

The man smiled and walked behind the pink haired boy in front of him. Shuichi hadn't changed in the last two years, and even though he was already twenty, Hiro still thought that Shu was a little boy. He wasn't the only one that thought so, since Shu acted like one, everyone thought the same. Shuichi was more mature now, of course, but his personality remained the same. Hiro had begun to wonder if he wasn't doing it on purpose.

They took the elevator towards the sixth floor. Shuichi was whistling a tune that Hiro had never heard before. "New song?" he asked. Shuichi nodded and continued whistling. The moment the elevator stopped Shu did as well. "Let's go, Shu", the guitarist said and stepped out into the hall. His friend didn't move, just stared at the hallway that led to Yuki. Hiro was about to talk when Shuichi inhaled deeply and started walking.

"Hn, Hiro?" Shuichi was staring at the floor in front of Yuki's room. Hiro understood and said, "I'll go for a soda, want one?" The boy shook his head, and knocked on the door softly. He was scared, after thinking about it all night he had decided he needed to explain everything to Yuki. He didn't count on what Tohma and Mika had done...

Tohma opened the door. He looked at the singer and stepped outside. "Shindou-san. I need to tell you something." Shuichi looked at him intrigued by the look on his face, "after you left, Eiri asked who you were and how did you two know each other and…well, we decided that it was best for him not to know." Shu's eyes opened wide and stared in disbelief at the man in front of him. How could he? How dared he? Shuichi had known for a long time now that Seguchi didn't approve of him as Yuki's lover, but to do this…and Mika agreed?? After she had called him family just the day before???

The blonde watched Shu's face change quickly from disbelief into confusion and then in anger. Before Shuichi made a scene he talked again, "We thought it was for the best, just for the moment." He made emphasis on the last words, he didn't want or needed Shuichi screaming. Then he added, "We want him to rest for a while and give him time to adapt. You don't want to upset him with too many memories he can't remember, do you?

Shuichi tried to make sense of what he was told. How will telling Yuki the truth upset him? Shuichi sighed, he didn't understand, but he knew that it was already too late to change it. He looked again at his boss and nodded; if he wanted things to go back to normal, he needed to cooperate or otherwise, Shuichi suspected that they wouldn't let him see Yuki. And he hated being away from Yuki; he couldn't stand a day without him, and if they took him he wouldn't be able to see Yuki for months!!

"What did you tell him then?" He felt tired, he just wanted to see Yuki and hold him... "That you are roommates". Shuichi's mind screamed at that moment. Roommates? But- but they were more than that! He thought they had told him at least that they were dating or something, but roommates? He was about to complain when an idea hit him. If they were roommates that mean they will continue to live together. And if he convinced Yuki that going back home was the best way to get his memories back...

Tohma didn't like the way Shu was smiling. Mika and him had already made the arrangements to translate Eiri to a hospital in Kyoto. If the boy interfered things could get ugly. And the boy seemed to be planning something already. That second Shu entered the room and told Tohma, "Yu- Eiri and I need to talk". And with that, he closed the door.

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Yuki was watching TV when he heard the door close. He turned around, expecting to see that weird guy again... what was his name again? Tohma? Who cared? Instead it was that guy from the day before. The boy looked, if possible, weirder than Tohma. Pink hair and huge purple eyes, orange jacket and khaki trousers with black sneakers; yeah, he was definitely weirder. Still there was something familiar and kind of comforting about him.

The previous night, when the boy had left, Yuki wondered for a second if he should ask him to stay. It was strange, he didn't even remember him, but wanted to have him around. He had asked his sister who he was, and she and her husband told him that the boy was his roommate. They had also explained that he was a singer and that they had begun living together some months before his career started. That was why they lived together: cheap rent and location. However, Yuki wasn't really sure that that was the truth. He was convinced that there was something else and thought he could find out if he asked the boy.

For a moment neither of them spoke, they just stared at each other; Shuichi thinking about how much he wanted to hug him and kiss him, and Yuki wanting to know why he felt happy by just seeing him. After a moment, Shu started walking towards him. Each step seemed to take longer than the previous one, he was so nervous about it…

Yuki was nervous as well, but was the first one to talk, "Shuichi, right?" He looked at the boy until he nodded and then continued, "Hey, I'm glad to see you…I…well, yesterday you left really fast and I didn't have the chance to talk to you." Shuichi stared at Yuki. The blonde man was smiling at him and being nice. He always complained about Yuki's coldness, but this was something he wasn't used to. After a moment he realized that he had his mouth opened and that Yuki was looking at him strangely.

"Are you ok?" Shu blushed and nodded, then after taking a deep breath he spoke, "I'm sorry, I- well, I just didn't know how to react. I- we were so worried about the accident, I…" The singer found himself not knowing how to explain his concern, so instead he changed the subject. "Hey, I brought you some clothes, I thought you might need them." He, of course, didn't mention it had been his boss' idea. He needed to give a good impression.

Yuki noticed the change of subject, but seeing how the boy was doing his best, he decided to drop it. "Thanks, that was really nice." Shuichi blushed harder, and remained quiet for a moment, then he asked, "How are you feeling?" Yuki was about to say 'fine' when he saw the worry in the boy's eyes. He really looked concerned, not like those nurses or the doctor, Shuichi looked like he hadn't slept all night wondering how he felt. Why did he care so much?

Shu noticed that the blonde was staring at him and out of custom he apologized, "Gomen! I know it's a stupid question!" _Damn, why am I always like that? Yuki had been in an accident, how was he supposed to feel? No question why Yuki was always calling me a baka_… Shuichi was expecting some yelling or at least an ironic retort, but instead he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to meet a pair of golden eyes looking directly at him.

"It's ok, I know it must be weird to talk to me after what happened..." the man smiled at him encouragingly and Shu couldn't help but laugh. He was supposed to give Yuki comfort, not the other way around! "I'm sorry er-... should I call you Eiri then?" He waited until his lover nodded and then continued, "I should be the one to support you! After all I'm your " Shuichi said the next words as fast as he could, "friendandthat'swhatfriendsdoright?"

What was that again? There was something really suspicious on the boy's behavior, but before he could say something the pink haired boy asked, "When are you leaving the hospital? I need to have everything ready for you." Shuichi smiled as well as he could, trying to hide his nervousness. He wouldn't know what to do if Yuki didn't want to go with him.

Yuki didn't know what to say. His sister wanted him to go with them back to Kyoto, where he could rest and recuperate near his family. What should he tell this boy? He suspected the boy would be disappointed if he informed him that, and for some reason he didn't want that. Instead he tried another approach "But wouldn't that be too much trouble? I imagine you have a busy schedule and I don't want to be in your way..."

Shuichi almost screamed at this. Yuki being a nuisance for him?? Like that could ever happen! "But I thought you'll like to come back to the apartment, after all it's yours". "Mine? I thought it belonged to both".

Shit! Now how do I fix that? I was doing so well and then I had to open my mouth... Think, Shuichi think!... "Eeh, well yeah, but you found it and…well... it is your house" Yuki looked at him, still not convinced... "And the doctor said if you wanted your memory back you should do all the things you used to!" There! If that didn't work he would have to do something more... drastic, and risky like telling him the truth...

Fortunately for him this made an immediate effect on Yuki, who asked him "Really? Well that does make sense, and I suppose it would be easier to do it... But are you sure it's not a problem?"

Victory! "Of course not! I'll tell Mika-san about it and we'll arrange everything! No worries here!" That moment Tohma entered the room. Shuichi got up and grinned at him. He had won the first battle. Tohma didn't like that smile. It was a victory smile. And he hated loosing, especially if Eiri was involved.


	5. Together Again?

La Li Ho! So it took me a while, I know, but it was worthy. I hope you'll enjoy it. Ja ne!

**Disclaimer: I own only this plot, but it's so good I don't mind this time I don't own the characters on it (yeah I have a huge ego).**

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Beta-read by: clari-chan

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**Chapter Five: Together Again?  
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Shuichi managed to avoid confrontation for almost three weeks. Every time he visited Yuki he would tell him he hadn't found the proper time to talk to Mika and Tohma because they were busy with dealing with the media and the hospital papers. Yuki would say nothing about it and then Shu would change the subject and talk about something else.

The truth was he was just plain scared. After that afternoon he had gone to Hiro for advice, and the guitarist had told him to talk to them as soon as he could, but also to be careful. To get into their 'bad side' was dangerous, not only for Shu's relationship with Yuki, but for Bad Luck.

And the last thing Shu wanted to do was to affect the band. Surprisingly enough Suguru and Hiro had told him to go for it, and even K and Sakano had given him some words of support. All of them had agreed that 'A Shuichi without Yuki was like no Shuichi at all'.

That had made matters worst. The lead singer was supposed to keep the band together, not to risk it for his lover. Every time he was in front of Mika or Tohma he would loose all his courage and just run away. He felt like a coward, and not without reason: wasn't he the one that had risked it all to be with Yuki before? And know he couldn't even confront Mika.

Deep inside the pink haired boy knew that he was scared of being with Yuki again. After three weeks Yuki still didn't remember him at all. Of course, Shu didn't expect him to wake up one day with all his memories back, but the writer hadn't shown any sings of improvement. And that troubled Shu more than anything did.

Finally, two days before Yuki was released from the hospital he told Shuichi that, if he didn't talk to his sister, he would do it instead. Shuichi considered this idea for a second, but when he saw Yuki frowning at him he promised he would talk to them that afternoon.

So now he was expecting Mika and Tatsuha to come visit Yuki so he could talk to them. Hiro was with him for moral support mostly, because he had made clear he didn't want to get involved on this love quarrel. In that moment they arrived. Shuichi jumped from his seat and looked at them. This... this was definitely not going to be fun.

--  
  
"What?! You better be joking!" Shuichi looked a bit scared of the woman in front of him. Maybe to him Yuki wasn't scary at all, but his sister was definitely another story, and Tatsuha was also looking at him like he wanted to murder him. Shu had expected this reaction from Mika, but he had thought Tatsuha would be one his side...

"I... well-" Mika interrupted him immediately "There is no way I'm letting Eiri go back to that apartment. He's doing quite well now, and I intend to keep him that way, he's going back to Kyoto with us and THAT'S FINAL!"

Mika's tone didn't give much space for a retort, however Shu wasn't ready to give up. As scary as Mika could be Yuki was more important than whatever his incredible scary sister could say. Or at least that was what Shuichi was thinking when Tatsuha intervened.

Yuki's younger brother put a hand on Mika's arm and then, looking straight into the older pink haired singer he spoke.

"I never thought you'd be so selfish. I always believed that you would do the best thing for my brother, so I supported you. I was wrong. Shuichi Shindou, you only think about yourself, and that's despicable".

Shu was startled by those words. However he wasn't the only one, because Hiro, completely forgetting his previous promise of not getting involved, reacted immediately.

"Hey! Don't speak to him like that!"

"Shut up! You have nothing to do with this, so shut up!" Tatsuha looked at the boy in front of him. "I can't remember the last time I saw my brother so relaxed. Or the last time he talked to me like that. He's happy now, can't you see? He doesn't have any bad memories from NY anymore. And I like that. I like having my brother back. Maybe I'm selfish too, but I truly believe that living without those memories is the best for him. Can you say the same?"

Shuichi looked at the floor, ashamed. He wanted the old Yuki back, he wanted to hear him call him baka and then kiss him softly before returning to work. But all that time he hadn't thought that Yuki was better this way; he didn't want to notice that his lover had slept peacefully during the last weeks without him by his side, or that Yuki had smiled and spoke nice to everyone and acted kindly even to strangers.

Tatsuha was right, he was being selfish. At that last thought Shuichi ran out towards Yuki's room. Mika tried to follow him, but was stopped by a serious looking Hiro.

"Let me pass".

The guitarist shook his head and Tatsuha took a step forward. "This is something Shuichi has to do alone". Tatsuha and Mika were looking at him like they were about to stomp over him when a voice was heard behind Hiro "I agree with you, Hiro. If our singer doesn't fix this on his own he'll be complaining for weeks".

A smiling Suguru stood behind him.

"You are late, Suguru".

"Maybe, but I brought help with me" Hiro turned around just to see K polishing one of his guns.

Mika and Tatsuha looked at each other, and then sighed. Until Tohma arrived they were trapped there. Meanwhile Hiro wondered how did Suguru manage to put an easy smile in such a situation where he would normally be the first one to complain. _Well, he is Seguchi's cousin after all_.  
  
--

Yuki had been reading one of his novels when the door burst open. Shuichi was there, looking at the floor, and for a second the blonde man wondered if he had done something to cause that painful expression.

"I'm sorry, Eiri" Shu muttered. He was trying hard to stop the tears that were forming on his eyes "Tatsuha is right, I was being selfish..." Shuichi began sobbing; he was feeling so stupid and guilty. Yuki looked at him surprised and, not sure of what to do, he walked towards the boy and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, thinking it would make him feel better.

Instead Shuichi began crying. It was too much: the accident, the loss of his memory, living alone (Shu had moved back to their apartment), and now realizing that he had been thinking only about him when he should have been thinking on what was better for Yuki. _No, not Yuki, Eiri..._

"Hey, what is it? What you mean you was being selfish?" Yuki grabbed the boy and shook him a little. He definitely hated seeing this boy cry. "I- I-... I think y- you should g- g- go to... to Kyoto"

"What? Why?" He had heard Shu talk about lots of things they could do after he was released from the hospital, and now he believed he should go to Kyoto? "I- well... All- all your family lives there- and- and..."

Shuichi was having a hard time to complete his sentences. He wanted to hug Yuki, kiss him and hear him say 'let's go home brat'. But that wouldn't happen, instead Yuki would say 'I'll go home with my family, maybe you can visit us some time', and that would be it. He will have to see Yuki leave him again without knowing if he'll ever be back. Just the thought of it was breaking his heart.

"They all think that's be- better and- and- I think the- they are right- I'm so sorry Y- Eiri! I- I-". The blonde chuckled softly and then with one hand made Shuichi look up. "You think that's better too?" Shuichi opened his mouth, but no words came out of it. What was better for Yuki?

Finally calming down the pink haired boy took a deep breath and nodded. "They can take care of you" he felt miserable, but deep down he knew it was for the best "And if you don't remember what happened before..." He trailed off, tears flowing down freely "You are better off without those memories".

"So what if I am? What gives you the right to decide that?" Yuki sounded furious now, for the first time since the accident he was glaring at Shuichi. It made his heart skip a beat. "Maybe I want those memories back, no matter how terrible they are". Then he smiled softly, the way he used to do after Shu had made something stupid, "I want to remember" _you_ he thought, but no words came out as he stared into those purple orbs he had began to like so much.

"But... but you are happier like this! And Mika and Tatsuha-"

"To be entirely honest I hate when my sister tries to force me into something she knows I don't want"

The singer smiled and giggled a little, he knew that first handed.

"I don't like Kyoto, and if they want to be with me then they can come anytime, right? Tokyo is not that far for them".

Shuichi was grinning at him now. What could be better than that? If Yuki truly wanted to be with him, who was he to stop him?

"So there's nothing we can do to change your mind, Eiri-san?"

Shuichi turned around to see Tohma and Mika looking at him.

"No". Yuki was looking serious again "The past of a person it what makes his present have sense. I want my past back, to understand why I'm here".

Mika was about to complain when Tatsuha smiled at Shuichi and said "I guess we can't do anything about it" Tohma nodded as well. Being surpassed by number Mika stormed out of the room, while Tatsuha grabbed Shuichi out of the room as well "Take care of him, Shuichi. Oh, and sorry about earlier if I was too harsh." Shuichi shook his head "You were right, I was being selfish... but I will take care of him".

In the distance three smiled at the scene. Hiro looked at K and Suguru, "Let's get out of here. I promise we'll have that rehearsal after Yuki-san gets back to their apartment".

_Three days later..._

-Shuichi's POV-

It was weird. Yesterday afternoon Yuki came back from the hospital. Oh, yeah, I should stop calling him Yuki in my head. I'm still amazed I had only called him Yuki a few times. I already explained him that that's his pen name, but he says it sounds weird, so I call him Eiri.

I remember many times before I tried to call him by his first name, but never really the courage to do it. And now he had asked me to do it. I think I should feel happy about it, but I'm not, it just doesn't feel right.

Also I had to remove every trace of us being lovers. I hadn't realized until now how deeply my intrusion has gotten into his life. It took us two whole days to have it ready, poor Hiro didn't know what he was getting into when he agreed to help me. He also stayed here, sleeping the couch.

These past weeks I've been sleeping again in my room. I don't sleep too well, but it's better than nothing, and I need to get used to because I highly doubt Yuki... Eiri! Yes, I highly doubt Yuki will let me sleep with him. Damn I said Yuki again.

Well, I shouldn't be to hard on myself, after all I've called him Yuki for more than two years! Well, I also have tried to call him different ways, but Yuki hates nicknames, even or especially if they are in the range of honey, sweetie or anything remotely similar to that.

A few hours ago I was right in this same spot waiting for him to arrive. Since I don't have a driver's license or a car I had to agree to Seguchi's request to drive him here. Hiro and Suguru had to hide the phone from me because I wanted to call every two seconds to know if they were coming soon.

I should've with him at the hospital, but I needed to finish taking some stuff out of our room before he arrived. Yuki's room! Not our room, Yuki's! Ehh... So I spent almost an hour wondering if Seguchi would be capable of taking Yuki to Kyoto without telling me. And I don't care what my band mates tell me, I'm pretty sure he is, and I think they believe it as well, they weren't very convincing with me...

-yawns- I'm sleepy, but I don't want to go back to my room. And I don't think I should move from this spot, half an hour ago I found myself entering into Yuki's room... He looked as cute as ever, all those bruises he had are gone, and all that's left is the scar made by that steel thing on his left shoulder.

I wanted to give him his computer back, but somehow I couldn't, so instead after he arrived, and I managed to get Hiro and Suguru out, I took him to that restaurant he loved so much. It was rather amusing to see his face when the manager looked at him and greeted him as he knew him since forever. It was also kind of sad. Still we had a good time there and Yuki thanked me for it because he was tired of the hospital food.

After we arrived again to the apartment he took a shower and... and ... ... eh? Oh, sorry, I was thinking something else, where was I? Oh yeah, the shower... ajem, well then I took mine and we watched a movie before finally going to sleep.

Or well before Yuki went to sleep. Today I have a rehearsal after almost a week of doing nothing of work. We have a concert next week, and I need to practice. Of course we practiced while Yuki was still in the hospital, but today it's gonna be at the place where we'll be singing. And it's four am and I haven't sleep anything.

K is gonna kill me. But I can't sleep, not after what happened after I came out of the shower! I keep thinking about it over and over again and it doesn't let me sleep! I want to be in the same bed as Yuki, and curl myself against him!

_-flashback-_

"Hey Shu! There's a good movie on the TV, don't you want to watch it with me?"

Shuichi jumped immediately the couch next to Yuki. He glanced at the man next to him and had to his mouth shut to prevent drooling over him.

Yuki's blond hair was still a bit wet, and some bangs covered his eyes. He had a towel around his neck and no shirt. His dark blue pants made a strong contrast against the pale skin of his chest. Shuichi could smell the soft scent of the shampoo he had used. And then he turned around and looked at him with those incredible bright golden eyes and smiled softly at him.

Shuichi excused himself to the kitchen saying he wanted a soda and tried to calm himself. In a normal situation they would been making out the second Shuichi saw him. But this wasn't a normal circumstance and Shu sighed before turning around with two sodas.

Yuki was there, looking at him, topless and sexier than ever. He looked eatable. And then, still smiling, the blonde man leaned over and took one of the sodas from his hand and began to drink from it. It was like one of those commercials with a hot chick drinking a soda or water, with sweat covering their body...

The picture was way to disturbing for Shuichi, and after a moment realized he was staring at Yuki, so he had opened his own soda hoping it would make him think of something else. It hadn't. All kinds of thought passed through his head, but none of them had anything to do with the movie they watched. He had always accused Yuki for having all kinds of thoughts like that, and often he had called him a pervert, but now he understood him. Too bad he couldn't just jump over his lover and eat him alive until he heard him scream and moan wpleasure...

Shuichi shook his head over and over again during the whole movie, but with little effect. And after Yuki dropped accidentally some crumbs of chocolate cookies over his chest and his pants, and Shu's first thought was to lick them off, he decided to call off the night.

Luckily for him Yuki was already tired and agree to rent the movie to see the ending later and went to bed. Shuichi's hungry eyes followed him all the way until he closed the door.

_-end flashback-_

Now, several hours later Shuichi was unable to sleep. And couldn't help staring at the door behind which Yuki was lying asleep instead of making love with him.

_My body felt like it was on fire,  
__When I saw yours.  
__Several minutes have passed,  
__But the feeling won't stop.  
__  
And it's longing for you  
__Screaming and craving,  
__Even if my mind says stop  
__My body won't listen anymore._

_I wanted you so badly  
__Right there and then  
__My mind became clouded  
__My hearth did as well._

_And I know now that for a while  
__I'll be feeling the same  
__There won't be any sleep tonight  
__'Cause I want you by my side._


	6. The Missing Feeling

The song is called Bird, but I actually never heard it. It's included in one of the Sound Story CDs, I believe in the second one, and as soon as I can I'll go buy the CD so I can hear it.  
Thanks to everyone who's been reading, special thanks to all the reviewers! I've got you a little surprise in here. Read and ENJOY!

**Disclaimer: If I owned Gravitation or it's characters I could torture my brother forever with it. Sich a same I don't owned anything...**

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Beta read by: Super clari-chan!! (well, I added the super. So what?)

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**Chapter Six: The Missing Feeling**

Yuki woke up late the next morning. He sat down and was greeted by the foreign room. He couldn't say that he didn't like it, maybe it was too simple for him, but it didn't really bother him. No, what was bothering him was that annoying feeling of something missing in that room. He had had that feeling for quite a while now, and nothing seemed to make it right.

He remembered the previous night and smiled. Shuichi was a fun guy, weird, but definitely fun. He had acted more strangely than before, but he attributed it at the fact that they were together alone for the first time since the accident. Also, the blond felt like there was something Shuichi wanted to tell him but didn't dare, so he had acted like nothing was happening.

They had gone out to a restaurant, (a nice one, but too serious for his taste), and watched a movie. Shu had begun to act weird after he took a shower, maybe he was tired or something, because after that he had been really quiet and had decided to go to bed before the movie finished. Maybe he didn't like that movie, or maybe he was just kind of bored around him.

Yuki sighed and decided to get off the bed. That annoying feeling was bothering him again, only this time it was accompanied by another feeling he hadn't felt before. It was like there was a void underneath him, like if he stood there any longer he would fall into the darkness of it. It wasn't a nice feeling, but it was so weird he couldn't help but to stare at the floor and try to understand it.

It was similar to the feeling of falling in your dreams, the one that usually woke him up, but at the same time it was different. He didn't feel like he was falling, but like he was about to, and rubbing his eyes or shaking his head didn't make it any better.

He took a deep breath and walked toward the kitchen, maybe if he ate something the feeling would go away. As he entered the kitchen he heard a soft mumble coming from the couch. Shuichi was there, sleeping and clutching a white bunny.

"Kawaii..." He heard himself mumble. In that moment Shuichi's watch sound alarm rang. The pink haired boy almost jumped out of the couch at the sound of it.

Yuki burst into laughter, that scene had been too funny not to. The blond approached him and smiling he asked "Are you ok?" When the boy nodded slowly and yawned, he continued, "What were you doing on the couch anyway? Didn't you sleep in your room?"

Shuichi stared at him confused, and asked "What color is the girl dressed?" Yuki blinked twice before laughing again "Baka, you are still asleep".

At those words Shu reacted immediately and pouted at him "You mean! I didn't sleep well, that's all!" Then he looked into his lover's golden eyes. He was smiling at him, and in his eyes he couldn't see the 'I'm-just-messing-with-you' look. Shuichi sighed at stood up, "I need to change", he muttered before disappearing into his room.

Yuki just stood there, confused, and then shaking his head decided to ignore it and make breakfast.

--

_Shuichi's POV_

Breakfast was nice and now we are walking towards NG studios. I'm showing Yuki the places we usually go to and places he needs to remember like the store we buy the groceries. That's a nice place because the owner already knows us and never draws any unwanted attention toward us.

However deep inside I'm still thinking about the incident of the morning. I swear, when he called me 'baka', he used the same tone of voice he always used before kissing me. My heart skipped like a thousand beats before noticing he wasn't teasing me. I felt sad and went to my room, where I keep, hidden, a picture of Yuki and me lying on the grass.

It's my favorite picture; Yuki's wearing a white shirt unbuttoned and is watching the sky. I'm wearing a yellow and black jacket and looking at my left hand that rests peacefully on his chest. I'm upside down and smiling, my left arm is clenched with his right arm. I felt so happy at that moment, and I thank Hiro for taking that picture for me. Yuki got upset at the moment, of course, but later admitted it was a nice one and agreed on putting it on a frame on his desk.

Earlier this morning when I took it and saw it I thought for a second that I wasn't smiling. I blinked a couple of times and looked at it closer. I was smiling.

Still, for a second I saw myself sad...

--

"And there's the laundry we use. You know, you kicked me out the apartment once because I accidentally washed one of your shirts with my orange jacket".

"That sounds mean, did I really do that?"

"Yep, but it was ok, you let me in like an hour later. It wasn't like the time I burned the kitchen or when I dropped one of your beers on the couch".

"You make it sound like I was really mean... I'm sorry Shuichi, I guess I was a terrible roommate, I don't know why are you so nice to me after all that".

"Oh no! That's not what I meant! Maybe you were a little harsh on me sometimes, but that's only because I'm really clumsy and disorganized... Most of the time you are a nice person".

"Really? Well... I don't think you are clumsy Shu".

"... Thanks".

--

_Yuki's POV_

I have no idea why Shuichi is so nice with me. For what I've heard I was a real jerk and spend my free time teasing him and kicking him out of our place. Like it was a sport or something. He tells me it's ok because he made mistakes all the time and that I was really patient most of the time, but I don't buy it.

No one as nice and sweet as he is should deserve such a harsh treatment. Probably I was only a bother in his life, but he is too nice to tell me. I'll try to make up for that and even if I don't regain my memories I'll make sure to be nicer with him and thank him for helping me so much.

--

"Well, here we are." Shuichi pointed at the huge building that stood in front of them. "This is where I work, my studio is at the fourth floor, and Seguchi-san's office is at the last one".

"I see... Are you sure you are not late for work? I don't want you to arrive late because of me".

"... Don't worry, I'm usually late, so it's ok. Besides I didn't want you to get lost and I'm sure Seguchi-san would kill me if I let you come by yourself!"

Shuichi smiled the best he could, but deep inside he was feeling a bit sad. Every time it was worst. He had noticed that, contrary to what he had expected, Yuki's nice behavior didn't make him happier, but sad.

"Hey Shu... Do you mind if I go to your studio later? I would like to see where you work".

"Sure, that'll be great! Well, here is my floor, say hello to Seguchi-san for me!" The singer stepped out of the elevator and watched as the doors closed. Then he sighed. He was feeling tired from the lack of sleep from the night before.

He blushed at his memories. Now that he thought about it Yuki wasn't trying to be sexy or anything, he was just... well he was just being him, it wasn't his fault if Shu felt like he did.

--

"Shuichi! You are late!" Hiro was looking at him seriously, but when he noticed the bags under his friend's eyes and his not so convincing smile he asked "Everything's ok? You two didn't fight, did you?"

"Uh? Eh... no, I just didn't sleep well, that's all". When Hiro raised an eyebrow he gave him his best smile "I swear, everything is fine! Yuki is really nice with me, he even made breakfast!"

"He made breakfast?"

"Yup! He almost burned the hot cakes, but that's ok, he's just a little out of practice. He hadn't made me breakfast for a long time!"

The guitarist noticed that even though the pink haired singer was smiling, the smile didn't quite reach his violet eyes. Something was wrong and now that he thought about it, Shuichi looked thinner and more tired every time he saw him. He was about to comment that when K arrived.

"So, are you ready? We'll practice here and then in the afternoon we'll go to the Jingu stadium".

"Hai! K-san, Eiri said he wanted to come see our rehearsal, it's ok, right?" Shuichi looked at his manager, but surprisingly enough for the blonde man Shu wasn't using the puppy eyes to confirm if his lover could go.

And that was very unnerving. Whenever Yuki-san, now Eiri-san, was involved Shuichi would start looking at him with pleading eyes, but this time he was just asking like it wasn't anything important. Also he had said Eiri instead of Yuki. Even though everyone called him Eiri now, whenever the writer wasn't around Shuichi would call him by his pen name. So why this time he hadn't?

K pointed his favorite gun to Shuichi and demanded to know what was wrong with him. For a second the singer looked at him confused before giving him the best fake smile K had seen in a long time.

"Everything is fine K!" When the manager didn't put down his gun he laughed nervously "I swear! It's just that I'm not sure if Yuki is feeling well enough to go with us, that's all! If anything happens to him Seguchi-san will kill me! And then he'll make Yuki go to Kyoto or something!" The singer lowered his head and sighed, "Also I don't want to go through that hospital thing again".

The answer didn't quite satisfy the manager, but Hiro smiled and placing an arm around his friend said, "Well then, we better practice, no?"

--

Three hours later, while Shuichi was singing one of his new songs, Yuki arrived followed by Tohma. The pink haired singer didn't notice, but his band mates, especially Hiro wondered how would he react when he saw him.

"Eiri-san! I had no idea you were coming to see us!" Suguru looked at him surprised and then looked at Hiro. The guitarist just shrugged, he had no idea what was happening either.

"I wanted to see where Shu works". Yuki looked at the boy through the window and smiled "He's very talented, I can see now why he is so popular". He signaled one magazine that had Bad Luck on the cover and then looked at the singer again.

In that moment Shuichi opened his eyes and saw Yuki. For a second he wasn't sure of what to do, but then he began to sing again, looking directly at him.

Shuichi had written that song before the accident and Yuki had heard it a thousand times minimum. He had threatened the singer to kick him out if he didn't shut up. Shuichi was sure that Yuki liked the song though, because one time at the car the writer had been changing radio stations until he heard that song and had stopped there to listen to it.

_Maybe if he hears it he'll remember something..._

Everyone stared at the singer as he sang again. If Yuki had thought before that Shuichi that was very talented now he sounded incredibly better.

**Even when I shout "Don't go!", the wild bird flies to the sky**  
**(Never say good bye) as those supple wings are redly dyed with courage.**

Sakano, K, Suguru and Hiro just looked at each other and smiled. Yuki had always been Shuichi's main inspiration, his 'source of all his energy'.

**Still unendingly begging for freedom, if you're leaving this paradise  
**

**for a still-unknown place, I want to keep you locked up.**

And Hiro knew, by the look on his friend, that he was giving his best for Yuki. Only then he realized how desperate the singer felt by Yuki's lost memories.

**Remember that forbidden, indulgent, beautiful day  
****even now, even though you're in a golden birdcage.**

Shuichi hadn't expressed it, but the way he looked at the blonde writer, the way he cried his heart out in that song, it all was meant to try to awake something in Yuki.

**"Don't go!" In my heart, I can't help seeing that sinful dream –  
****(Never say goodbye) a dream where those feathers are torn out and soaked in crimson.**

Hiro looked at Yuki again, hoping to find any sign that he remembered something... anything. But the other man just looked amazed by Shu's talent.

**Why do you gaze at me with those sorrowful eyes? No matter how often you turn away,  
****I can't help wanting to embrace you just one more time.**

Shuichi seemed to have noticed that too, because he was no longer looking at the blonde, he had his eyes closed, Hiro supposed, to prevent from crying.

**Remember it: that time when, from within the depths of that secret forest,  
****you folded your wings softly (and settled on) this finger**

_He doesn't remember... he doesn't.... _Shuichi focused on the song and tried to forget everything else. He needed to finish this song the same way he had started it: singing with all his heart on it.

**"Tell me!" Now, no matter whether blood pours out from (the wound of) my loneliness  
****(Never say good bye) if you'd decided to fly away, you'd just stare ahead like that.**

_The first time Yuki heard it he told me I hadn't improve at all, and that I would have zero talent for the rest of my life... he told me he couldn't comprehend why Bad Luck was successful with such crappy lyrics._

**Even when I shout "Don't go!", the wild bird flies to the sky**  
**(Never say good bye) as those supple wings are redly dyed with courage.**

_And whenever I sang it he would tell me to shut up, because I was giving him a headache..._

**"Tell me!" Come, close those heavy eyes and throw away the sky.  
****(Never say good bye) You'll probably get there someday, and cross the distant ocean.**But that day when he picked me up here at NG I noticed... he had been listening to my song...  
**  
Even when I shout "Don't go!", the wild bird flies to the sky**  
**(Never say good bye) as those supple wings are redly dyed with courage.**

_I didn't say anything because he would deny it, but I know in the bottom he loved my song, and loved hearing me sing..._

Shuichi stood there for a second, his eyes closed. When he looked up he saw Yuki smiling at him and heard him say "You are great, Shuichi".

_But before the accident he would never had admitted it..._

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Just so you see I'm not so evil I'm gonna let you know what happened really the first night Yuki (...Eiri!, no Yuki, his name is Eiri!) and Shuichi spend together after my favorite writer (?? But I've never read anything from him!), returned from the hospital. Also I want you to know... we are just in the middle of this story! I've been writing another one, along with the 'Insight to Gravitation' one shots. This story is my biggest priority, but I recommend you to check ItG.

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**The real scene**

_Yuki's thoughts in italics_, (Shu's in parenthesis), "dialogues" and normal pov.

"Hey Shu! There's a good movie on the TV, don't you want to watch it with me?"

Shuichi jumped immediately at the couch next to Yuki. He glanced at the man next to him and had to keep his mouth shut to prevent drooling over him.

Yuki's blond hair was still a bit wet, and some bangs covered slightly his eyes. He had a towel around his neck and no shirt. His dark blue pants made a strong contrast against the pale skin of his chest. Shuichi could smell the soft scent of the shampoo he had used. And then he turned around and looked at him with those incredible bright golden eyes and smiled softly at him.

_He's so funny, I like hanging around with him. He looks pretty much like a lost puppy right now._

(Wow... Yuki looks soooo good! His hair is still wet and his bare chest it's so nice... I've always liked the way he looks without his shirt. Ohh I wanna kiss him!!!).

Shuichi excused himself to the kitchen saying he wanted a soda and tried to calm himself. In a normal situation they would have been making out the second Shuichi saw him. But this wasn't a normal circumstance and Shu sighed before turning around with two sodas.

(Damn! I wish I could go back there and kiss him and make out with him in the couch... I soo wanna make love with him!!)

"Hey Shu! Why was it taking you so long? I began to wonder if you came to grab a soda or to make one".

Yuki was there, looking at him, topless and sexier than ever. He looked eatable. And then, still smiling, the blonde man leaned over and took one of the sodas from his hand and began to drink from it. It was like one of those commercials with a hot chick drinking a soda or water, with sweat covering their body...

_Mm... just what I needed, a cold soda. I'm never going to stay at a hospital again, no matter what. All they let me drink was water, for three whole weeks!!!_

The picture was way too disturbing for Shuichi, and after a moment realized he was staring at Yuki, so he had opened his own soda hoping it would make him think of something else. It hadn't. All kinds of thought passed through his head, but none of them had anything to do with the movie they watched. He had always accused Yuki for having all kinds of thoughts like that, and often he had called him a pervert, but now he understood him. Too bad he couldn't just jump over his lover and eat him alive until he heard him scream and moan of pleasure...

Shuichi shook his head over and over again during the whole movie, but with little effect. And after Yuki dropped accidentally some crumbs of chocolate cookies over his chest and his pants, and Shu's first thought was to lick them off, he decided to call off the night.

_This is perfect, I love chocolate cookies... although Shu says I wasn't very fond of them before... but who cares! They are delicious..._

(Focus on the movie Shu, focus on the movie, focus on the... oh man! He just looks so hot! Mm? Are those crumbles of chocolate? Mm... I could lick them and then we could... NO! I- I- I must be strong!... I better stay away from him or I'll do something I'll probably regret...)

Luckily for him Yuki was already tired and agreed to rent the movie to see the ending later and went to bed. Shuichi's hungry eyes followed him all the way until he closed the door.


	7. Exchange of Roles

A/N: I can't believe it! I've got sixty reviews for this story! Sixty! What could be better than that? So, to thank all the reviewers I'm posting this sooner than I thought. ENJOY!  
  
**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot, but I don't care. This could be worst you know? I could own nothing...  
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**Beta read by: Clari-chan**

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**Chapter Seven: Exchange of Roles**

_Shuichi's POV_

I've been staring at the ceiling of the living room for more than an hour now. I'm not worried, just nervous. What am I nervous about? Well, it all began this morning...

_-flashback-_

"So it's ok?"

"Sure, after all he's your brother, why would I mind?"

Yuki looked uncomfortable at the question but didn't answer. Since he went visit Shu at the studio, almost a week before, things had been getting weirder and weirder between the two. Shuichi kept leaving Yuki with Tohma or Mika, and then went to work, and also made sure that Yuki was always with someone in case something happened, but even when they were together in the apartment Shuichi looked like he was avoiding him.

"... Hey, why don't you come with us? It'll be fun and you can take a break from those lyrics".

Shuichi looked up from his notebook and shook his head. During the time Yuki had been in the hospital he hadn't really written anything and now he needed to catch up with his work. Somewhere deep inside of him Shu blamed Yuki for it. After all Yuki was always his main source of inspiration and, since the writer was always ready to criticize him, Shuichi did a bigger effort each time trying to surpass himself and gain some approbation from his lover.

But now Yuki had seen his lyrics and commented he had 'incredible talent' and that he was surely 'one of the best singers of Japan'. Instead of making him happy, that comment had discouraged the pink haired singer, and now he needed to finish the songs he had abandoned after those words.

"Come on! You've been here for ages! You need to see the sunlight every now and then you know? It's not healthy for you to stay there all day long".

"I can't, I need to finish these lyrics for Monday. I can't skip work like you do, you know?"

That was right. Due to his accident, Yuki's book had been postponed for indefinite time, until the writer felt better and re-finished his book or someone found what the ending was. Either way, Yuki was free from work and was enjoying his time as much as he could.

"Well, it's not my fault the end of my novel is lost and that I don't remember a thing about that, is it?

Shuichi felt a bit guilty at that. Yuki's computer was still at his bedroom, waiting to be returned to his rightful owner. Maybe there was the end Yuki needed for his novel. But that was a piece of the old Yuki, and the young singer wasn't ready to let go of it. Besides, as he reassured himself, Yuki hadn't had so much fun before in his life. So it was a good thing he was hiding that computer.

"... I guess not... but I still have to work".

"You have plenty of time to finish that, come on! I promise it'll be fun!"

"If you haven't noticed Monday is only two days from now".

"But... oh fine, I'll go on my own".

Shuichi looked up from his notebook again to see an extremely funny Yuki, pouting like Shu himself did so often.

"Hey! Stop imitating me!... Fine, I'll go..."

"Great!"

"But just to make sure Tatsuha doesn't take you anywhere dangerous. Your brother can be very reckless sometimes".

Both men smiled and Shuichi went to his room to grab a jacket. As days passed he had gotten more and more used to this new Yuki... Eiri. It was like living with ... well, like living with Hiro. Except that sometimes during night Yuki had nightmares. Shuichi was aware of this since he barely slept at all. Most of the time he waited until Yuki was sleep and then he went try to sleep on the couch. Strangely enough it seemed to be easier to sleep in the couch instead of his own bedroom.

"Well, let's go then".

--

"So, Shuichi you are going to invite me to your concert riiiiight?"

"Tatsuha stop that! And no, I won't 'cause last time you spotted Ryuchi and you chased him all over the place. He might have thought it was a game, but K and Seguchi were mad at both of us".

"But Shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! You have to invite me! I want to see you sing!"

"Yeah right".

"Aniki! Help me convince him!"

"Mm? What makes you think I can convince him, Tatsuha?"

"Well, you live together don't ya? There must be something to blackmail him or..."

"Hey!"

Yuki looked between his brother and his roommate and laugh. Yeah, when Shu was around things became definitely more fun. Why he had insisted so much to Shuichi to go out with them he wasn't sure, but it had been a good day, and Shuichi and Tatsuha had taken him to different places where he used to go.

Tatsuha couldn't help to smile at Yuki's laughter. It had been a long time since he had gone out with him without a single glare from him. Probably never actually, since even when they were kids Eiri and him were always fighting. So, this new behavior was something he appreciated a lot. Seeing his brother so relaxed and smiling was the best thing he could get.

And then he turned around to see Shuichi, expecting him to be smiling too. But the boy was biting his lower lip, looking like he was about to cry. He followed his look to see that he and Yuki were glancing at a couple. Yuki was smiling a bit nostalgically. Maybe he felt like that was missing from his life, and Shuichi appeared to be doing the same, only that the love of his life was sitting next to him. So close and yet so far.

"Hey Shu, can I go to your concert?"

Yuki turned around to see him, and Shuichi smiled the best he could and nodded. He couldn't say a word, he knew that if the spoke his voice would fail him.

"Shu, are you ok?"

"... Yeah I-... I just.... I remembered something, that's all".

Yuki raised an eyebrow and Tatsuha sighed internally. It was obvious that Shuichi wanted to cry, and knowing him this could become a disaster. Or so he thought because the singer smiled brightly and then he stood up.

"I'm sorry guys, but I really have to go now. I don't want K to kill me when I arrive without the lyrics on Monday".

"But..."

"Besides I got inspired! I can't let that pass because later I'll forget the idea and then I'll be back at square one!"

Yuki looked a bit disappointed but nodded. Then Shuichi looked at Tatsuha and with a serious look on his face he told him.

"You better not take him to anywhere you usually go, Tatsuha, or I won't give you any tickets to the concert, ok?"

"You'll give me the tickets? Hehehehe you are great Shu, no wonder why you are my fav!"

With that Shuichi left.

He didn't have a sudden attack of inspiration. He didn't need to finish those lyrics for Monday either. He just couldn't stay in the same room with Yuki for long without beginning to miss the blonde's touch, his warmth, his smell... He needed to find some distraction and work seemed to be what he was looking for.

_-end of the flashback-_

So now Shuichi was alone in the apartment, doing nothing but wait 'till his lover arrived. Well, 'till Yuki arrived, since Shu wasn't sure if he could think of him as his lover anymore.

--

Tatsuha stopped a cab, and directed the driver to Shuichi's place. For some odd reason he had thought of it as the singer's place and not his brother's. Maybe because Eiri looked out of place there. Like a guest. Like Shuichi when he first moved with him.

Also Tatsuha didn't miss the change of mood of his older brother when the pink haired boy left. He remembered his words perfectly in the hospital when Shuichi had announced that he was taking Eiri to the apartment they shared. He had called the boy a selfish person. But now he felt like he was the selfish one.

Shuichi deserved to have his love back. Eiri deserved to have his life back. He couldn't imagine what if must be like to Shuichi. And Tatsuha liked the small singer a lot, he was a really loyal and sweet person and he had managed to take out a side of his brother no one knew existed before.

They love each other. They were happy together and to anyone that had seen them together, especially during the months previous to the accident, it was evident that they needed each other.

So was it their right to decide if his brother should regain his memories or not?

Tatsuha was so deep in his thoughts that didn't noticed they had arrived to the their destiny until Eiri spoke.

"We are here".

It was then that Tatsuha decided to intervene and do something drastic. His brother had the right to know... he and Shuichi were lovers.


	8. What I miss the most

**Chapter Eight: What I miss the most. **

Yuki was standing outside the building waiting Tatsuha to pay the cab. Yuki was the older brother, but Tatsuha had insisted on paying it, so he was waiting for him. Also, he was feeling a bit dizzy which had been happening very often now, especially since he had left the hospital.

It was that weird feeling again, the feeling that he was about to fall in a void. He needed to ask the doctor again about it, maybe this time they would tell him more than a 'it's normal' answer.

"Hey bro, what are you thinking about?"

Tatsuha walk towards him and smiled. He had made up his mind, so now it was just a matter of how and when. It had to be in a subtle way, but at the same time a really noticeable hint.

"Uh? Oh, nothing",

"Really?"

"Yeah".

"So you weren't thinking about that cute singer of yours?"

Yuki blushed slightly at the comment, but noticed Tatsuha's words.

"No! And what do you mean by my singer?"

"I'm not blind aniki, I saw the way you looked at him when he left".

Yuki's blush became more obvious.

"I- I- I don't know what you are talking about!"

_Chance!_ Tatsuha had to take this opportunity.

"Really? Aw, I thought you were finally back together..."

Yuki's eyes opened wide as he stared in surprise at his little brother.

"What?"

_Bingo!_

"What?"

"What did you say, Tatsuha?"

"Ah... Eh... Well, you were together, weren't you? And... oh... don't tell me... You don't remember?!"

_There. Play the innocent now, Tatsuha, and everything should work out well now._

"I- NO! I don't! I... Are you saying we were- we were-"

_Final score: Tatsuha wins!_

"You were lovers".

--

Shuichi decided to call Hiro. He was tired and bored of waiting, and he knew that even after Yuki arrived he would still be missing him. It was painful to admit, but he knew now that he couldn't keep on like this. He wasn't sure of what to do, but he needed to do something.

He had finally placed Yuki's computer on his desk. It looked better there, where it belonged, instead of his bedroom where it was definitely out of place. As he left the studio and walked towards the phone he heard the door opening. _Yuki! _Was the first thing he thought, and his feet moved on automatic towards the entrance. Just for a couple of steps, because then he remembered that Yuki was supposed to be only his roommate.

So he sighed and walked normally to greet the blonde. He stopped when he saw him. Yuki looked upset... _No, he looks... angry... he's mad at me... but why?_

"Eiri? Is something wrong?"

Yuki glared at him and Shu's heart jumped on... happiness? Shuichi had missed that glare for a while now. Well, he had been missing anything that the old Yuki used to do, from waking up late to stay working all day and night to his little fights. He missed all the good and the bad things they shared together. _Because I love him..._

"Why?"

"Uh?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"E- Eiri... I don't know what-"

"You... you lied to me! How- Why did you do it?"

"I don't understand! What are you talking about?"

"I'm the one that doesn't understand! Why didn't you tell me we were... we-"

Yuki blushed deeply at that. He couldn't say that he didn't like the idea, because he did, but it was strange. Shuichi looked surprised for a second, and then he too blushed at his words.

"I... How did you find out?"

"So it's true?"

"... yes".

"Why did you keep that from me?"

"I... I didn't want to! But Seguchi-san and you sister thought it was the best and... and..."

"You decided I didn't deserve to know?!"

"No! I... I... I just didn't know what to do... It was too much: the accident and then you didn't know who I was and..."

Shuichi's voice had become a whisper and then they transformed into sobs. Yuki's expression softened at the look of the boy in front of him.

"... don't cry..."

Yuki hesitated a little, but then he hugged the boy. Shuichi's sobs became a soft cry as he felt his lover hugging him in a brotherly way. He wanted Yuki to be the 'cold and mean' guy he had met, no this friendly and nice stranger that was in front of him.

"Shu... I'm sorry, it's been hard for you, hasn't it?"

Shuichi didn't answer. He cried until he felt that there were no more tears to cry. Then he noticed Yuki's fingers running through his hair and he looked up.

For a moment their eyes locked. And then, slowly, Yuki leaned over the smaller singer. Shuichi could feel the nervousness of the man holding him, and then he closed his eyes as he felt the warm lips of the blond over his.

It was a sweet kiss. Yuki held him closer as he parted Shuichi's lips and made the kiss deeper. For a moment, it was heaven for both men.

Until Shuichi realized there wasn't that feeling of joy he always had. What was there was the feeling that he was cheating on Yuki. He felt that the kiss was wrong, and as he understood that a tear rolled down his face. He couldn't do it, this wasn't the man he loved, this man was his friend, his roommate, but not his lover.

Shuichi pushed Eiri. The blond man looked at him questioningly, Shuichi's tears were confusing him.

"Stop it".

"Why?"

"I- I can't do this".

"But... I thought this was what you wanted"

"No.... No it's not!"

Eiri frowned at the sudden change of mind on the pink haired singer. Why was he reacting like that?

"Then what is it? I... I like you Shu... more than a friend".

Shuichi's eyes didn't reflect any emotion at that. He just stood there.

"No, you don't".

"What?"

"You don't love me, and I don't love you! You are not Yuki! You... you'll never be him! I want Yuki, give me back my Yuki!!!"

Shuichi pushed the startled writer and then ran towards the entrance. He had to leave, he had to get away from that man.

"Shu wait!"

Eiri ran towards the door as well, but Shuichi was already gone, leaving him alone and confused in an empty and still unfamiliar apartment.

--

Shuichi ran until he was out of breath and his legs didn't respond anymore. He had never felt so sad before. He looked around, thought for a moment, then headed towards the park. It was his third favorite place, after Yuki's apartment and the record studio, and he always felt calm and relaxed there.

Slowly, he made his way towards his favorite spot: the place where he had seen Yuki for the first time.

"Yuki.... I miss you so much...."

--

Eiri closed the door and sighed. He really liked Shuichi, he had wanted to kiss him for a while now, but somehow he had managed to mess it all up. He kept hearing Shu's words...

The singer was right, he couldn't be the man he was before, because he couldn't remember who he used to be. After listening to everyone else, he couldn't understand what kind of person he was, he had no memories of any of the events that the others talked about.

He didn't even remember his family! He could remember his sister and a little of his brother and father, but he didn't remember anything related to Kyoto, his friends or neighbors, the place where he lived as a kid, nothing.

There was nothing from the last months of his life either. How had he met Shuichi? How had they become... lovers? How many times had he seen the younger man fall asleep in his arms?

How had their first kiss been like? Their first touch?

How many times had he told him he loved him?

Did he really love him?

Eiri felt... empty.

He had nothing.

--

Shuichi was sitting on a bench, looking at the city, when he heard someone walking towards him. It was Hiro.

"So, what are you doing here?"

Shuichi didn't answer, he just looked again at the city as tears began to roll down again. Hiro approached and sat next to him. He had been very concerned after he called to his apartment and Eiri told him that he had left the place.

"Shu? What's wrong? Eiri-san told me that you had gone out".

"..."

"What happened? I thought everything was fine".

"Hiro... can I stay in your apartment for a couple of days?"

"Uh? Sure, but why?"

"I... Eiri and I fought... no, that's not it... we... we kissed".

"You kissed? What are you talking about?"

"You know, back at the hospital, when I was waiting for the doctor to tell us how he was, I prayed... I just wanted to see him alive, I didn't care about anything else..."

"Shuichi".

"And then he told us that he was ok, and I was so happy, but- but he's not Yuki! He's- he's another pe- person! I- I tried Hiro! I swear I did! But- but it's so ha- hard..."

Shuichi's voice cracked, and Hiro hugged him.

"I- I can't go back... He says he likes me but- but I don't like him... I want Yuki back! And- and then he- he kissed me and- and- I thought it was ok at- at fi- first but it didn't feel ri- right".

Shuichi looked up at his best friend, who sighed.

"I don't know what to say Shu".

Shuichi smiled a little, but with a sad smile. Then he stood up and closed his eyes, breathing the cold air of the night.

"I didn't know what to do either... but now I know".

"Mm? Shuichi what-"

"I'm moving away, Hiro".

--

_It's like a surreal world,   
__Every time I look at you   
__The person I love the most_   
_That whom my eyes can't stop to adore   
__Quietly in the night_

_I miss hearing your voice   
__I miss feeling your arms around me   
__Holding me strong   
__Never letting me go_

_I tried to forget my love for you   
__I tried to survive   
__But every time it was harder   
__To be by your side_

_There is not such thing as destiny   
__But the law of gravity is strong   
__It draws me towards you   
__Making me face me fate: I will always love you_

_That's why this time I won't come back   
__I will kiss you goodbye while you sleep   
__I won't shed a tear, that, I promise   
__I won't wake you up with my cry_

_I want to remember the 'old' you   
__The one I really love   
__And to let go the 'new' you   
__So you can find happiness without me around_

_I miss the soft touch of your hands   
__The feeling of your kisses in my mouth   
__The warmth of your body   
__While we slept at night_

_But what I miss the most   
__Is something I can't have back,   
__That special look you had in your eyes   
__When I was by your side_

_--_

_--_

_--_

Stop reading here for a sec............................................................................................... now you can go on.

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Bwahahahahaha!

I'm such an evil person!

Well, not as evil as my mom, who suggested an extremely sad ending for this story...

Anyway, this is definitely my fav chapter so far. Especially because this chapter is based on my first idea for the TYIL fic.

That's right, the first thing that came to my mind was the kissing scene. I imagine that if Yuki changed completely, Shuichi wouldn't like him anymore, because Shu loves him for who he is. So if Yuki kissed him Shuichi would reject him, and Yuki would ask him if this wasn't what he wanted.

Initially that scene was supposed to be with an angry and maybe (wasn't sure about it) slightly drunk Yuki. But after thinking it more I thought this was a better idea. 

Oh, also, next chapter will be almost completely focus on Yuki and shorter. I believe this is the longer chapter so far!

So, tell me what ya think!


	9. The real one

Thanks to all those who read and special thanks to all those who review, to Guren who has reviewed all my fics, to wing-12 who put the 100 review, to Kadzuki Fuchoin because she crowned me as the Evil Queen, and to Clari, who is a great friend.

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**Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Maki Murakami.**

I believe you'll hate me after this... Anyway, read and enjoy.

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Chapter Nine: The real one. **

Eiri was standing alone in the apartment. He had never noticed before how cold it was without Shuichi there.

Shuichi's best friend, Hiroshi, had just called. As he hung up, Eiri felt desperation rising on him. He went to his room and look at it. There was nothing familiar to him, nothing that feel like it belonged to him.

After a moment, the blond man ran towards the closet and opened it. Gray, black, blue and a little white greeted him. He hated those clothes, they were so dark, and boring, nothing in color, not even a pair of socks. This clothes were so different to the ones Shuichi always wore, so energetic and... full of life. His own clothes were nothing like it, what did that meant? Why did he always wear such dull colors?

Shaking his head, he looked around again. Nothing. Not even a single photo, or a souvenir or some CD's. There was nothing in there that gave him a clue of who he was. It was like he hadn't been living at all. What had he been doing with his life? What had he been waiting for?

He opened every single drawer on the room. No letters, or notes, none of the little things that people usually had that had no value to anyone but themselves.

He exited the room and walked to the kitchen. Again, nothing. No colorful handkerchiefs, no old books of recipes, everything was practically in a perfect state. As if it had been just recently bought.

In the living room it was all the same. It all felt so inhuman, so empty. He didn't understand how such a bright and cheerful person as Shuichi didn't feel oppressed, why didn't he feel depressed just at the sight of it?

Eiri looked back. Shuichi's room. There had to be something there. Not thinking about it twice, Eiri opened the door of the pink haired singer. He felt tears rolling down his face at the sight of it.

There were several posters on the walls. On the small desk, pictures of the singer with his friends and band mates, his family, even one with him. There were some clothes on the bed, all full of color and life. Without noticing, Eiri fall to the ground. This room screamed the personality of his owner, with his bright colors in the walls, and the weird shaped pillows. With the green and blue rug, the bean chair and the mess of the room.

Compared to this, Eiri's room, no, Eiri's apartment in general felt... cold, unwelcoming, harsh.

The blonde writer felt more desperate than he had ever felt before. Thinking about it, he couldn't really remember if he had ever felt desperate before. The thought brought an ironic smile to his face. There was nothing in here that helped him. Before, he had had Shuichi to help him stand, the younger man had occupied most of his time, telling him stories of what he used to do, what he was like.

But Shuichi was gone now.

Without him, the blond man realized that he didn't know where he belonged. Damn it, he couldn't even remember his own work, what was he supposed to do with Shuichi?

Amber eyes open in surprise at his last thought. Of course! There had to be something at his studio! That's after all where the little singer had told him he used to spend most of his day!

Quickly, Eiri stood up and directed his steps towards the only place he hadn't checked. When he opened the door, however he almost run away. This room was not different from the others, everything was neat and clean. Quickly he turned up the lights and walked towards the bookcase.

All the classics were there. No science fiction books, no manga like Shuichi's, no magazines. On the desk drawers he found some cigars and a couple of notes of what looked like an idea for a novel. Besides that, no personal stuff, again, no photos or funny mugs. No personality.

Except... Eiri looked at the laptop. He hadn't seen it before, but if it was there, that meant it was his. And maybe, just maybe, it had something that could help him.

So he sat in the cold chair and turned the device on. Unlike everything else on the apartment, the laptop did have something useful for him.

The first thing he noticed, was the wallpaper. It was a photograph from a landscape, but it was obviously amateur, and looking at it closer the shape of a pink haired singer could be seen at the far right corner.

Eiri blinked at the picture displayed. He began feeling calmer, and opened the explorer trying to find something else. There were several documents, from past and new novels, all perfectly organized by name and date, and distributed in different carpets. There was some music archives as well. But what really got his attention were the pictures.

No more than ten images, but all of them had Shuichi in them. He checked all one by one, and the more he looked at them the more he was convinced that Shuichi and himself were deeply in love. Most of them showed Shuichi goofing around at some work-like parties. A couple of them were from Shuichi and his friends. But the last one made Eiri's heart stop.

It was a photo of both, lying in the grass. Shuichi was upside down, smiling as his hand rested on Eiri's chest. He looked happy and his smile was brighter and at the same time softer than he had ever seen it. The writer looked at himself. He wasn't smiling, just staring at the sky; but he looked relaxed and somehow content with just being there. The image made him feel nostalgic. That was something he couldn't remember having and, after what had happened with Shu, he was almost sure he wouldn't have it again.

Suddenly, anger rose in him. Why had this happened to him? Why he couldn't remember those things? Why him? He banged his fist against the desk and felt the tears leaving traces on his checks.

After a moment, he sighed. He was closing the images he had opened, when he noticed a document. Unlike the rest of the documents on the laptop, this one wasn't on any carpet, and the title seemed intriguing: Dedication.

_Dedication? To what? _Eiri opened the document and read. When he finished, turned the laptop off and locked himself on the room that was supposedly his. He clutched a pillow as he felt more and more tears flowing down freely. He wanted to be that man again, for Shuichi and for himself.

* * *

Shuichi opened the apartment door quietly and went straight to his room. All the lights were off, which meant that Eiri was probably sleeping already. 

He entered his room and took a bag from the closet. Slowly, he started placing clothes on it. When he finished, he looked around the room. Was there something else he needed? Walking towards his bed, the pink haired singer sat down and took something from underneath the pillow. The Shuichi in the photo smiled brightly at Eiri... Eiri... he had been Yuki then, now... he was Eiri...

He felt the tears blurring his vision and sighed. He needed to leave this behind, or he would never get over it. He needed to move on, to... Damn it, he needed his old life back!

_Damn you stupid Eiri! You jerk! You... you... you stupid writer! I was fine before you! Why did you have to appear into my life! Why did I fall in love with you! Why... why did you have to leave?..._

Shuichi shook his head, trying to control himself. Hiro was outside the apartment, waiting for him. He just had to walk through the door and Hiro will take care of everything. Yes, everything would be fine.

He stepped out of his room. And there he was. Eiri. Staring at him with the bag. Shuichi felt suddenly guilty, but he had to get out of there. He couldn't take it anymore, he needed a break.

"Are you leaving?"

_Me?_... the true question lingered on the air and Shu realized he had to tell him, he owed him that.

"Eiri I... I'm sorry I just..."

"...Don't leave".

"What?"

"I... I just... I know I'm not him. I know I'm not the man you love anymore, but... can't you lean to love me?"

Shuichi blinked in surprise. He... Eiri wanted him to love him? He... no, he could never loved him. He might look like Yuki, but Eiri would never be able to replace him. Still, the sadness in his eyes was too much to Shu to take. He couldn't say no, not to those eyes.

"... I guess I could try but..." Shuichi smiled the best he could. "I need time, ok?"

He never knew the answer to his question. In front of him, Eiri blinked twice before leaning over the couch next to him for support. Shuichi just stood there, fear rising and taking over him as the blond man fall backwards, almost in slow motion.

He ran next to him, the bag forgotten, and catch him barely on time.

"Eiri? Eiri? Eiri! Answer to me! Eiri!"

No answer. He was unconscious. His bigger fear had become true, and he felt desperation rising on him too. Fear and desperation, that was all Shuichi could feel.

"No... please Eiri wake up! This isn't funny! Don't do this to me! Please... wake up... I... I can love you, I... I'll learn to love you... just... just don't die... please... don't leave me... Yuki...

He didn't notice when Hiro enter the apartment after hearing him scream. He didn't notice the call to the emergency number. He didn't notice the paramedics that arrived and took Eiri to the hospital. He didn't notice when Hiro grab him to the hospital. He didn't noticed when his best friend called Tohma and Mika. He didn't hear or feel anything anymore.

He didn't even cry. There were no tears left. He just stared in front of him, not caring about anything that was happening around him.

He couldn't go through it again. He wouldn't survive this time to the pain. It was too much to take. Eiri could die. And with him, any chances to get Yuki back, any chances to love him would be gone.

Shuichi wasn't sure if he would be able to live if the blond man that had given him so much was truly gone.

* * *

_Love is a feeling overrated. Or so I believed.  
__Then I met you, and the word 'lovers' found a new meaning.  
__It was no longer a shallow word, it meant that we were in love.  
__Thank you for staying with me when I was down, for bringing noise to my quiet house,  
__but especially, for giving me a place that I can call home.  
__Thank you for existing, for being you.

* * *

_ Told ya. 


	10. Unbreakable

A/N: Well everyone, this is it. This story is coming to an end... I can't believe it! I feel like crying... but don't fear, I have many ideas for new fics, and the ones I already started. A year ago I posted my first fic, and now I'm about to finish my favorite one...

Anyway, I want to thank all the readers and the reviewers. Last time I checked it went like this:  
-**Five **reviewers **cried  
**-I was **kicked** **four** times (one in a response to a review I placed!)  
-I was asked **twice** if that was **the end  
-Two** reviewers **thought** **Yuki **was **dead**  
-I was called **meanie** at least **twice  
**-**Someone** out there **hates** **me**  
-And **someone** out there asked to be **informed of** this **update** (if you are not a signed reviewer leave yout mail and I'll tell you when I update )

Well... read and enjoy, and I'm ready to be shot after this... but hopefully no one will try to kill me... Now that I think about it, I better go hide.

**Disclaimer: I am the Evil Queen, but still I own nothing. I just dedicate my time to make other people's chatacters suffer  
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Beta-read by: ME! Forgive me if there are mistakes, but... Clari won't be able to help me for a while...**

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**Chapter Ten: Unbreakable  
**

"Shuichi..."

A hand was placed on his shoulder, but he didn't move. He didn't dare to open his eyes, he just couldn't. He wasn't strong enough to face the reality.

"Shuichi..."

The voice seemed to fade away, and with it, all thoughts were erased too. If he had known this would happen, would he still have risked it all and fallen in love with him? Would he have done everything the same?

Would he have stayed by Yuki's side?

_--_

"_Come on! Yukiiii!"_

"_Shout up brat, I'm not going, no matter what you say"._

"_But Yukii! It's Bad Luck's anniversary party! You promised you would go with me!"_

"_That was before I knew it's at the park in the middle of the day. I have no desire to be chased by stupid fans, thank you."_

"_But Seguchi-san closed the park so we could have this huge celebration! And besides it's gonna be just some guys from NG and us! No one will bother you, I promise!"_

"_Does that include you?"_

"_Yukiiiiiiiiiii! ... ... ... please?"_

_-sigh- "Fine, but don't expect me to stay all day long there, ok? I have better things to do than looking at a bunch of morons fooling around"._

_--_

Hiro looked at his best friend and sighed. Shuichi hadn't said a word since the paramedics had arrived and taken Eiri to the hospital. The boy looked out of himself, and had showed no reaction at all.

Meanwhile, he had been making calls to everyone from Seguchi to Shuichi's little sister, hoping someone would arrive soon and take care of the hospital policies while he took care of Shuichi.

Every now and then, the ghost of a smile would appear in Shuichi's face, just to be replaced by that blank look again seconds later. Hiro was getting more and more worried each time.

_--_

"_What are you doing brat?"_

"_Nothing"._

"_Isn't the grass wet?"_

"_Not really... it's kinda nice just being here, you know?"_

"_... if you wanted to stare at the clouds you could have done it from the apartment, instead of dragging me here"._

"_..."_

"_Hn? Are you falling asleep!"_

"_Ouch! Yuki, you didn't have to kick me!"_

"_I didn't kick you that hard"._

_Shuichi rolled over to lay on his stomach as Yuki sat down on the grass. What could be better than to have the whole place to themselves?_

_--_

"Excuse me? Nakano-san?"

Hiro turned around to see a doctor looking at Shuichi worriedly.

"Yes?"

"I was wondering if your friend is all right. He looks a little pale".

The guitarist smiled sadly at that. 'Looking a little pale' was a nice way to put it.

"He's fine I guess. This whole commotion it's been a bit to much for him".

"Well, you are in a hospital, if Shindou-san needs someone to talk to we can call someone from Psychiatry to help him out".

"... Thanks, but I think he just needs some time".

"Fine, call me if you change your mind, ok?"

_--_

"_So how long do we have to stay here?"_

"_Well... we can leave if you want to... but there's gonna be cake later in the afternoon, so maybe we can stay 'till then?"_

"_... what do you think you are doing?"_

"_What?"_

"_Don't you put that innocent face on me, I won't fall for it this time"._

"_Hehehehe, ok. It's just... I can feel your heart beating"._

"_So you unbuttoned my shirt for that?"_

"_No, that was for the view"._

"_..."_

"_..."_

"_What!"_

_-smile- "Ne, Yuki?"_

"_What?"_

"_Don't you wish we could stay like this forever?"_

"_...NO"._

"_No? But Yukii!"_

"_I can think of better ways to spend my time than lying in the grass _next_ to you"._

"_Wha- ... oh"._

_--_

Tohma and Mika arrived at the hospital in a rush. They have never been so scared before than when Hiroshi called and told them Eiri had been taken to the hospital again. The first thing they saw when they arrived was the two friends sitting next to each other. And then Mika exploded.

"YOU!" She signaled Shuichi as she walked fast towards them. "This is all your fault!"

Hiro cringed at the harsh sound of her voice and immediately stood up in an attempt to stop her.

_--_

"_Come on! Yukiii! Please don't go!"_

"_Move brat"_

"_No. Yuki please try to understand! Why are you so mad? It's just a photo!"_

"_I'm not mad. Now either leave or enter the car, because I'm leaving"._

"_... fine... but Yuki, he didn't mean to upset you. He just thought we looked so peaceful and maybe we would want to have a picture of it"._

"_Hn"._

"_Can't you just wait 'till I say goodbye? Please?"_

_--_

"Move out, this is non of your business".

"Listen Mika-san, Shuichi has nothing to do with-"

"Nothing to do with what! If he hadn't convinced Eiri to go back to that place this would've never happened! Eiri would be just fine! This is all his fault!"

"_I'm sorry"._

"Shuichi has nothing to do with this!"

"_Why?"_

"How can you say that!"

"_Because if I hadn't dragged you there we would've stayed home and you wouldn't be mad at me..."_

"If Shuichi hadn't been there no one would've noticed what happened".

"_I'm not mad at you, so stop worrying about it"._

"If that brat hadn't convinced him to stay here he would have been in Kyoto and this wouldn't have happened at all!"

"_Yuki... I love you so much..."_

_--_

"Brat... Brat... Wake up dammit!"

"What!"

"What the hell were you dreaming about! You scared the hell out of me!"

"Yu... Yuki?"

"Who were you expecting? Mickey Mouse?"

"Yuki... Yuki! It's you! It's really really you!"

"Brat get of me! Of course it's me! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I- it's just- I-"

"Why are you crying? It was just a stupid dream, it couldn't have been that bad".

"But it was! Yuki- I- there was an accident... and... and... you forgot m-me and-"

"If I forgot you it was a blessing, not a nightmare".

"... he... It was all so real... you were so nice and all..."

"Are you implying I'm not usually nice?"

"...no...it's... you were so different... and I missed you even if you were there... and then you fell unconsious and... and..."

"... brat. It was a nightmare. That's it. None of that happen, I'm here aren't I?"

"...yeah... but-"

"No buts. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere".

"Really?"

"Yeah"

"You promise? You won't leave me like that?"

"... I'm not sure I can promise that brat".

"...ok..."

"But I can promise I'll try. Is that enough?"

"Really? I love you, Yuki".

"..."

"I like you a lot Shu-chan"

"Wha?"

"Why were you crying about? And who's Yuki?"

"E- Eiri?"

"Well yeah. Were you expecting someone else?"

"Bu- but Yuki! He- Why- what did you do to him!"

"Shu what are you talking about?"

"I...nooo! You promised! Yuki you bastard you promised!"

"Shuichi what are you talking about?"

"You are not him! I want him back! I- Eiri? Wake up! Eiri!"

_--_

"It's his fault! I don't care if you try to defend him! This is all your fault Shuichi! You hear me!"

"Mika-san please! Don't you see this is hard for him too?"

"How hard can it be for him!"

Hiro was there, trying to stop Mika. Seguchi was trying to stop them both from arguing there. There... in the hospital... so it had been just a dream... Why?

Shuichi felt his eyes stinging and closed them again trying to stop the tears that threatened to fall but didn't quite appeared. So it wasn't enough for him to go through this hell, on top of that he had to dream of all what he had lost? He had had to believe for one blissful second that this had been all a nightmare, that he had been with Yuki all along? He had to go through that loss in his dreams too?

What kind of cruel entity could do this to him? Why couldn't he just close his eyes and see that it was all ok? Why couldn't he go back to that morning when he said goodbye to Yuki as always and make it right, stopping him from driving that day?

Why did he have to be here, listening to Hiro and Mika fight instead of lying in the grass with Yuki, talking about clouds and feeling the beating of his heart? Why did he have to go through this all over again?

"Why don't you shout up!"

The sound of Shuchi's voice startled all of the people present and made Hiro turn around only to see his friend looking at them with his eyes red from all his crying, and he realized Shuichi was about to loose the little control he had left.

"What? Shindou-san, I think we all need to clam down and-"

Tohma was cut of by an angry singer, that took on them all the pain and the desperation he felt.

"You think this has been easy for me? To see him everyday and not be able to be near him? To see him treat me as a friend and look at me without recognizing me? To realize that he's not remembering anything that we went through? To sit next to him and tell him we are friends when all I want is to tell him how much I love him?"

"Shu-"

"You think it was easy for me see him faint in front of me and think that I might not hear his voice ever again? You- you-"

Shuichi shook his head, trying to control his breathing and Hiro rushed next to him. One last time... all he wanted was to kiss Yuki one last time, to hug him, but he wouldn't he..

"He's dead..."

After mumbling those words Shuichi suddenly began laughing uncontrollably as his best friend sat him and tried to control him.

"Is everything all right?"

A nurse had begun walking towards them, and Hiro almost panicked. Last thing they needed was Shuichi having a mental breakdown and being drugged. He knew his best friend, and knew that if he wasn't there when the doctor came out to tell them how the writer was he would never forgive himself.

"Everything is fine, don't worry. We just need a little privacy, that's it."

The nurse didn't seem too convinced by Tohma's words, or his polite smile, but decided to leave them alone.

"Thanks Seguchi-san".

"Don't worry about this, Nakano-san, better take care of Shindou-san, he looks like he needs it".

Hiro looked at his friend, who was currently mumbling something incoherent.

"I think we'll need that psychiatrist after all..."

Mika looked around and then she sat next to her husband. She began crying silently for her brother.

_Thirty minutes later..._

Shuichi had been staring at the ceiling for good twenty minutes now. His head rested in Hiro's lap, who continuously looked down to check on him. Suguru had arrived a couple of minutes ago, saying K was picking up Tatsuha and his father, while Sakano picked Ryuichi and Maiko up.

Little after that a doctor had come out to explain them that a coagulum had been developing since the day of the accident. The 'silent assassin' he had called it. He had also explained that there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent it, and now Eiri was having an emergency surgery to try to save his life.

Hiro had hoped that the news would help to take Shuichi out of his stupor state, but it had only seemed to make him more oblivious of his surroundings.

A couple of minutes later Sakano arrived with Ryuichi and Maiko. And they waited. The minutes became hours, and time kept passing by, without any news on the blond man's state.

"_... I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere"._

"_Really?"_

"_Yeah"_

"_You promise? You won't leave me like that?"_

"_... I'm not sure I can promise that brat"._

"_...ok..."_

"_But I can promise I'll try. Is that enough?"_

Suddenly, as for mighty inspiration, Shuichi stood up, scaring everyone in the process.

"Shu? Are you alright?"

"...I'm hungry".

"What?"

"Hiro, is there a vending machine here?"

Everyone stared at him, but Shuichi made no sign of feeling down anymore. He smiled at his best friend and then asked again.

"Hiro? Oh, but I forgot to bring some money..."

"Hiro, what is going on? You think he finally lost it?"

Hiro shook his head at Suguru and carefully approached his friend.

"Shu? You okay man?"

Shuichi looked at him and then sighed.

"No... but there's no point on being here just waiting, is there? Yuki's going to be there for a while and I'm hungry, so I thought we could go eat something."

"Yeah...but..."

"Don't worry Hiro, everything will be fine".

Mika looked up in that moment.

"How can you say that? Eiri...he- he is-"

Shuichi smiled at her and cut her of at the same time.

"Yuki is strong. He won't just die like this, he's too much of a bastard to do it".

Everyone blinked in confusion. Shuichi looked confident on what he was saying and, for the first time in months, he had a confident smile that reached his eyes and show hope.

"Shuichi... listen, I don't want you to get any false hope, ok? He's having a very delicate surgery. Even if he survive... well..." Hiro looked around for some support, but no one wanted to say it aloud. "He might end up as-"

"No".

"Shu..."

"No Hiro. I know him. He won't die. He'll be fine, and then everything will be back to normal".

Suguru looked at the singer and shook his head. After being in the band with him for so long, he had began to love him as a brother. He admired the way he never stopped hoping for the best and how he never gave up no matter what. But this was ridiculous, and it pained him to see him like that. He glanced at Hiro and understood that the guitarist felt the same way.

Shuichi was in denial.

"Shuichi..."

The pink haired singer smiled at them. He knew Yuki could die. He understood it wasn't really up to him but to the doctor's abilities and luck. Buthe wouldn't give up. He had had enough. He was tired of that feeling of loss and desperation that had accompanied him lately. He knew now that he wouldn't be the same if Yuki died, maybe he wouldn't even survive the pain of loosing him.

But he wouldn't give up. Not now.

"I need to believe Hiro. I won't break now. Yuki would hate me if he saw me like this, all pathetic and desperate".

"Shindou-san..." Tohma and Shuichi looked at each other and then the older man understood. He smiled too.

"It's too soon to give up hope".

It had been only two hours since that when a doctor came out of the surgery wing. He looked tired after spending so many hours saving the writers life.

Shuichi felt a reassuring hand on his shoulder, but kept his eyes fixed on the doctor. This was it: The end of this nightmare or the beginning of something even worse.

* * *

Sad ending? Happy ending? No ending at all? 


	11. The End

This is the last chapter of this adventure. It's been an honor to share this with you, and to have so many people to tell me they love this. I want to thank you all, readers, reviewers, every single one of you.

I'm posting some related fics soon, not tonight, but soon, under the name of TYIL: the alternative endings. There I'll answer any questions you have.

**Disclaimer:** I've been threatened many times for this plot, but I still love it all the same. The characters aren't mine sadly, but as you can see I treat them as if they were. Poor guys, someone should rescue them from me.

**

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Beta read by**: Clari-chan!**

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**Chapter Eleven: The end**

"... and now, onto the entertainment news with Umeko-san".

"Thank you, Kozue-san. Sad news for Yuki Eiri fans, according to some witness the famous writer was rushed into the hospital last night. Anonymous sources tell us that he had an emergency surgery related to the accident in which he was involved sometime ago".

"Umeko-san, can you tell us in which hospital he is and if the surgery is over?"

"I'm afraid I can't say where Yuki Eiri is at the moment due to respect to his family members, but I can tell you that the surgery is over. We'll have to wait until his editor or his family decides to release the information".

"In related news, Bad Luck's concert programmed for tomorrow at the Jingu Stadium has been postponed until further notice. Seguchi-san, president of NG Records is said to be making the arrangements so the fans that have already bought tickets have their money refund or trade their tickets for the new date when it's confirmed".

"I'm sure many fans will be disappointed this".

"Indeed, and we'll have to wait for news the rest of the concerts programmed through the country. This move is probably related to the condition of Yuki Eiri-san, and his relationship with Bad Luck's singer, Shindou Shuichi, which makes us wonder how delicate his condition really is..."

- - - - -

"Shuichi, wake up buddy".

"Mm? Hiro? What?"

"His father is here already, maybe we should go eat something and give them sometime alone, don't you think?"

"What time is it?"

"Eight twenty. So, what do you say, are you up some breakfast?"

". . .yeah, I guess so... just... give me a minute, ok?"

"Sure".

Hiro stepped out of the room and walked down the hall where everyone else was waiting. Shuichi had been up all night holding the blonde's hand, while Tohma and the others took care of the tour and the hospital paperwork, but now that Yuki's father and brother were there Hiro hoped his friend could take a break and rest for a while.

"Yuki? Your dad is here, and Mika and Tatsuha too. They want to stay with you for a while so I'm gonna go eat something, ok?"

Shuichi looked at the pale man in front of him. He hated the hospital, but most of all he hated the way Yuki looked with all those machines surrounding him.

"It's a shame they had to shave your head..." Shuichi caressed the bandages that covered the novelist's head and gave him a sad smile. "At least your father will finally see you bald..."

For a moment the singer just stood there, still holding his hand, until a soft knock on the door made him sigh.

"I'll be back soon, ok? Just... I wouldn't mind if you woke up while I'm gone, you know? I want to be the first thing you see when you wake up but... if I'm not it's ok. As long as you open your eyes and smile at me..."

As his vision blurred and the tears threaten to fall again, Shuichi leaned over and kissed him softly. As strong as he tried to be, the words of the doctor still ringed n his head.

"_... e are not sure if there was brain damage. He could never wake up, or wake up in an hour like nothing had ever happened. Ther might asbe memory loss, temporal paralysis and/ the inability to talk or control his motor functions..."_

"... I'll be here no matter what Yuki... even if you don't remember me anymore I'll keep my promise... Just... just get better".

Shuichi kissed him one last time before leaving the room.

--

"What about some pancakes?"

"No".

"Ok, a milkshake maybe?"

"...no".

"Ok then. What about-?"

"No..."

"Shuichi". The warning tone of Hiro made the singer finally look up.

"What?"

"You said you wanted to eat, why are you being so difficult?"

"I'm not being difficult!"

"Yes you are".

Shuichi glared at him, but after a moment he just shook his head. Hiro smiled and looked at he menu again.

"Let's order pancakes, I haven't eaten those for a while".

"Pancakes? ... I think I'll ask something else..."

"Uh? Why? You love pancakes".

"Yuki..."

"Uh?"

"He... the first morning after he returned to the apartment he tried to make pancakes..."

"Really? Oh yeah, I remember you said they were a little burn, right?"

"No... were completely burnt, not even my cooking could be compared to what he prepared..."

Shuichi and Hiro exchanged glance and then they b laughing. The guitarist couldn't feel any happier, it had been a long time since he had heard Shuichi laugh like that. At first he had been worried that he was just in denial, but now he understood that Shuichi was just finally being himself again.

He still looked tired, and worried, but at least he wasn't drowning in desperation like the night before, and that was more than enough for Hiro at the moment.

Still, as he watched Shuichi order pancakes for him and some toasts for himself, he wondered briefly how would the singer react in case that the writer didn't get any better. Even if he was out of surgery, the possibility that the writer die or fall into a permanent coma was still high. Would Shuichi be able to smile if that happened?

"... out. Can you believe it Hiro? Hiro? Are you listening to me?"

"What? Oh, sorry Shuichi, I just got caught in my own thoughts, what were you saying?"

"I was telling you how weird it is that Suguru asked Maiko out, don't you think?"

"He just invited her breakfast, it's not like they are marrying Shu".

"But can you imagine if they started dating? Maybe Suguru would relax a little and stop yelling at me for being late... although since it's Maiko he'd be dating he'll probably yell even more..."

"Shu your pho-"

"On the other hand we could go out on a triple date! Can you imagine it? You could go with Ayaka and Suguru with Maiko and-"

"Shuichi you have to answe-"

"I would go with Yuki of course! Although Yuki might not feel comfortable with Maiko and Ayaka there-"

"Shuichi!"

The singer bit his lower lip and Hiro sighed.

"Your phone is ringing Shu. You should answer".

"... I know".

"Do you want me to answer for you?"

"No... I..."

Shuichi looked at his phone. As he feared it was Tatsuha who was calling him.

"... Hiro..."

The guitarist grabbed his hand and gave him a reassuring smile.

"It'll be fine. I'm here with you buddy".

Shuichi nodded slowly as he answered the phone.

"Tatsuha? What-"

The young monk, who seemed to be too altered to wait for him to ask, cut Shuichi, while Hiro tried to understand what was going on.

"Shu? Are you ok?"

A few seconds later however, Shuichi had hung up and ran away as fast as he could to the hospital.

--

Shuichi arrived soon to the room in which he had been the whole night before. He was about to open the door when Tatsuha stepped out.

eyes encountered for a fraction of a second before Shuichi understood the true meaning of his look. When he did, he pushed the teen and entered the room. He froze at the scene in front of him.

"Yuki..."

---

_-Shuichi's POV-_

It's been one year already since the accident. Life isn't the way it used to be before, but I'm already used to it.

We are now at our last concert of the tour that was postponed that day... All the lights are out, but our fans keep screaming our names and clapping. They are all waiting for our last song.

Even here in the darkness I can feel Hiro's concerned look and Suguru's worried frown. I can bet that Sakano-san is near a nervous crisis again, and that K is ready with his 'just in case we need it' gun.

But there's no need for that now. I'm ready to get over with this. Even after all their complains I'm ready to sing this song. The song I wrote for him.

I nod slowly and K gives the signal. All the lights are turn on again and the screams return with force. Everyone is looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to start.

I close for a moment, and begin to remember that day... wherever you are right now... I'm sure you are listening to this.

_Transparency dyes the night sky, and  
__I walk alone on the road that always leads home._

The light of the moon made us nothing but shadows in the dark apartment. I couldn't help the tears that threatened to fall but you caressed my cheek and wiped them away. And then you leaned over me and kissed me.

_Singing to myself, I want to send these kinds of feelings  
__to you in your sleep, oh, um... _

It was so soft and sweet at first, I felt my knees trembling and for a second feared that I would fall to the ground. And then you pushed me slowly to the bed.

_I'm tangled up in something; I'm getting a little sick of myself --  
__tangled up in the feelings to convey to those days that have been left behind..._

You undressed me slowly, the kiss becoming deeper and more passionate. When we finally broke apart we were both panting hard...

_The heart I've forgotten somewhere is starting to hurt a little.  
__I keep searching for you in a night lit by the stars that are bound to that time._

You looked at me and I tried to smile, but I was so nervous... you chuckled and then took my hands and placed them on your shirt. I began unbuttoning it as you kissed me again.

_I place my feelings on the receding clouds  
__on the road home, where I pause to stand._

The moans of pleasure that came out of my mouth surprised me; I'd never felt so much pleasure before in my life. You kept undressing me as I held the sheets in a death grip.

_You are already a part of my continuing dreams;  
__I know that (those feelings) can't possibly reach you from here._

Your hands caressing my body, your kisses traveling down my chest...

_The tears keep falling; just by being able to be close to you,  
__I'm starting to want a smile, just a little..._

You took me soon after that. And I was happy happy to be yours and only yours.

_Someone asks questions; I'm starting to want this to make more sense.  
__You cast those too-brilliant days into a fading shadow._

It was over so soon... and yet I knew this was something I would never forget, no matter what.

_I'm tangled up in something; I'm getting a little sick of myself --  
__tangled up in the feelings to convey to those days that have been left behind..._

I whispered an 'I love you', while you reached out for your discarded clothes... And then you gave me that look...

_The heart I've forgotten somewhere is starting to hurt a little.  
__I keep searching for you in a night lit by the stars that are bound to that time._

I miss to see you like that, Yuki... I miss the way your eyes softened...

The concert is over. Amazingly enough all the fans are quiet. They've never heard this song before, and for the looks of the ones on the first row, they know who is it for. Some of them have tears in their eyes, others have a huge smile, but all of them are silent.

I can feel Hiro and Suguru exchanging glances behind me. Everyone is wondering if they hate the song. But I know better. And finally, after what appears to be an eternity of silence, they all began screaming and clapping again. I bow in front of them and try to smile, but it's useless. So I just close my eyes. I knew it would be a success.

This is the only time I'm going to sing this song though. Not even in the live CD it'll be included… because this is my way to let the past go. This is my goodbye to him.

We are already going to change our clothes. Everyone says 'Well done' and 'This was your best concert ever!' and Hiro and Suguru look at me trying to see if I'm ok, but I avoid their eyes and continue my way to our dressing rooms.

The truth is... I'm tired. I just want to go to my room and fall asleep and never wake up again...

I don't look back to the stadium as we leave. Suguru's house is nearer than the apartment, but still they all insist that I should be first. No one chats during the way though. Everyone is wrapped in his own thoughts.

K drives slightly faster than usual, but I don't think anyone else cares about it. It isn't until we arrive that everyone else notices: we made only twenty minutes instead of the forty we would've made usually.

They are dropping me in front of the building now. They all smile at me... so I wave them goodbye and began the silent walk towards the apartment. They stay there even after I've closed the door behind me.

The elevator is cold and quiet... Just like the whole building is. Maybe I just unconsciously miss the heat under the lights of the stage, the warmth that the audience gave me. God, I'm so tired...

I don't think I'll be able to wake up ever again... I'm not sure that I'll want to either...

--

Shuichi opened the door of the apartment and stood there, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, before closing the door behind him and taking his shoes off.

He dropped his bag carefully before a sound made him turn around.

"... Welcome home... brat".

_The whisper that dissolves into the bustling crowd makes the memories scattered underfoot blur together.  
__The blazing of the street where I walk about lost (glaring one way) illuminates me as coldly as though it freezes.  
__The cold times make dreams fall like rain and slip through my hands.  
__When I woke up from the countless wishes, you are reflected in a shimmering illusion –_

_The silhouette whose faint smile leads me along..._

**THE END**

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* * *

**EPILOGUE** Shuichi's afternoon 

_-Shuichi's POV- Two months after the surgery._

The day was ending as any other day. I arrived at 8:30, a little late for dinner. I was a little worried; I didn't want to attract any kind of attention for myself. And there he was, sitting in a table next to a window with a view of the sunset. He looked so... beautiful. There's no other word that suits him better. His hair is still a little short, but that only makes him look sexier I think. It's at times like this that I understand why he's so popular with the ladies as Hiro says.

Anyway, I walked around some tables, trying to arrive from behind him. He hates when I do that, of course, but I can't help myself. The way he looks at me and then, after shaking his head, lets me hold onto him, makes all the glares and stares of the world worthy.

He's staring at the stars that are beginning to appear. I wish we could take a walk or something, but I bet he's a little tired already and I don't want to upset him today. He's making such a big effort for me...

So I reach him from behind. He didn't even looked up, and grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like a 'get off brat', but I just ignored it. He's not annoyed, I can tell from the tone of his voice.

Everything is back to normal, pretty much. He still pretends he remembers things about us and I pretend he remembers them well. I can't sleep well sometimes and he pretends he doesn't care. Sometimes I hear him call me Shu-chan when he thinks I'm distracted and I pretend I didn't hear him. There are times when I scream his pen name while we do it and he frowns. I always pretend I don't notice.

So... yeah, it's all like it was before, it's just that it isn't. But I have a promise to fulfill and the hope that one day he'll remember it all, not just parts of it. Because no matter if we are at the hospital or at this beach, no matter if he's the same or a different one or a mix of them both.

I'll always be next to him, I'll always smile. I'll be patient because I saw it in his eyes that day at the hospital after Tatsuha called. The Yuki I love is still there, somewhere, almost reaching the surface again.

And I'll be with him when he does.

* * *

**--To all those who are reading...**

**--To all those who imagined and suggested all kinds of endings...**

**--To all those who wanted to kick my ass...**

**--To all those who wanted happy endings...**

**--To all those who wanted sad endings...**

**--To all those who cried in the middle center of their schools...**

**--To all those who wanted to use me as targer practice for not updating faster...**

**--To all those who loved and hated me for the cliffhangers...**

**--To all those who threatened to make me your slave and force me to write fanfics for all eternity...**

**--To all those who left intelligible reviews...**

**THANK YOU**


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